How to Love Someone Perfect

Photo credit - Link

Begin by spending time in one corner and determine the start of your fascination. Then comes curiosity, the occasional sighs, and then that moment when you realized, they had become a part of your daily pondering.
Trouble. Trouble. You're hooked and you just do not know how to let them go. 

Then you self-contradict your development. You down play the fleeting butterflies in your stomach as something bad you ate for lunch today or the dread of having to speak to them and not knowing what to say at all. You shrug and avoid anything that reminds you of them but find yourself thinking of them when your head hits the pillow. Goner.

In as much as you do not want to admit, you start to zero in their possible faults and flaws. They might have different interests than you have. They hand out with weird company or they listen to your most hated band. And then, in time, you began changing your preferences. Over time, they have converted you into loving "The Cure" song you always thought to make no sense actually.

Your friends find your ramblings strange. They have to figure out your metaphors as something almost always related to that someone. You start to receive intervention by concerned best of friends due to your insistent mantra that everything you are saying is normal and is only expected.

Your mom hides her intent to ask actual facts about this someone in fear of confirming her fear of you being haunted by an imaginary friend in your age. She tells you to go out more often and hang out with your guy pals just to know if they can fish something out of you. Of course, the beer drinking buddies you have only gets drunk and you only grin in hiding your someone perfect.

And then, one day, you get sad for no apparent reason. You now begin to see that there is no point in having these strange feelings. You know you deserve the right to love in the right and sane way. You get tired of looking for the checklist you have right from the very beginning. Your check list does not suit anyone at all no matter how perfect they might seem. 

How to love someone perfect? You just don't. They only exist in dreams.

But how can you find someone to love in imperfection, quite surprising easy and non-fictional. This phenomenon happens more often than not. 

And you know what, when you open your eyes to that someone imperfect and realize they are all that you have ever needed, you truly have loved perfectly. You begin to see happiness and possibilities as something real and not ideal. You become a better person by finding a someone that can be all accepting (well not all) of who you are as you learn to appreciate the differences in between. 

You can get tired of perfection one day. But finding the reason for the imperfections to be lovable - you can not count the ways. You will always try to be understanding and open. You try to be more relevant and creative. And as you strive to become an accepting mate, your perfection never ends. 

Musings for the Bride-to-Be

Photo credit - Link

On the 20th of this month, you will be walking in a different shoes. The kind that you wear once and you cannot take off easily. It is a simple commitment to take but not that easy to keep. There is no tone of cynicism in that sentence, just a tinge of it is what it is. You are a bride-to-be and nothing can stand in the way on the aisle (with these killer shoes, who can?). On this note, this can help you hopefully to kick the jitters off and revel in how amazing your journey ended in these wonderful shoes you are about to wear.

You are an incredible hidden jewel that this one man has wisely kept all these six years. In a bit of a story telling, you were very different from who you had been from who you are now. And it is in saying not in a bad way - but in a changed way. When you first met him, there were many questions and uncertainties in your mind that have been answered (mostly) already. You have had your highs and lows, but you two stuck at it for the past six years. It is admirable how you two had kept a commitment in the midst of typecasts and miles. 

For those who haven't known you for that long (including me), we can tell the changes and transformations you made through this relationship has made you a stronger and better person. A woman who decided to take life and stand by the things that you render matter most. 

You have silent strength and smarts that have handled minor and major changes in your life. You fought for what you believe in and rebelled your own path to own it. So own it now. 

On the day you will be walking down that aisle, you will be teary-eyed and fearful. Not fearful because you have come this far to be afraid, but fearful of being too happy in your moments. Well, these are not your moments but YOUR whole day. With everything that you have been through, please give yourself this day to stay in the limelight and show the happiness you have. Share it with the world and just breathe in the love and support from people that put your happiness above theirs on that date. 

Ignore the naysayers and the people who think you should have done things differently. It is your wedding and your life and not everyone might agree on how you have them, but indeed they are yours for your own purpose and amusement. Thank you for being strong and becoming a story of courage for women of the rest of the world. When outside pressures are pulling you into different action just remember this choice you made. A choice you made - and that is all that really matters.

You are where you are now at the brink of this life ahead of you because these were the choices you made and the path they paved to your future with the man you chose to spend the rest of your life with.

And yes, you might wonder what has become of you when you put these fabulous shoes on.
But never doubt, you have been following the yellow brick road and you are wearing your own ruby shoes. Where this pair will take you, is for you to find out. Know only this, that whatever road you might find, being a bride to be is just one. You will become wife, mother, partner and spouse. But this is your story, and you are only but beginning another set of your journey.

Carry on these fabulous heels and know, you will be happy wherever you may go. Have a blessed wedding and prosperous married life.

A Thirty-Something Woman’s Guide in Love Stories

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Discussing your past history with love can be a lot like dissecting the poor frog in Biology class. It is something disgusting and daunting but at some point you have to do the dissection and label what you need to find in the dead creature. Okay, immaturity aside, you learn from that dead matter called your own love stories and what-not’s and serves it inside a petri dish under the microscope in your 30’s. Now, that puts it in a lot of different perspective.

So how many have you loved, kept, and somehow lost along the way? Ask yourself in front of the mirror and you might surprise yourself. If you are asking me why I wrote this I just have to say, things have changed within and I need to review what I really want out of love after around six years when I wrote the angst Stupid Cupid article. You are now reading what has come of the cheeky writer that asked Cupid for a year of being left alone in finding her true love. And hitting the big 3-0’s is like a monumental step outside my comfort zone and saying okay, let me begin again from what I have learned.

                                

When you reach the new 20’s of your life (I am lingering on the 29th), things in your life - and those that are not yet in your life - revisits you like a haunting echo. I don’t know why most people would be pressured in settling down at this crucial turning point of your life - but constantly hearing related remarks at reunions and parties (and geez, even in mundane conversations, especially with Mum) also want me to wonder about those words like love, marriage, and family. So you have no choice but keep a pensive mood and actually dissect your attitude towards the big thing called love. And so the question remains, how well did you and did you not love in the past years? What are these uncanny types that has introduced you to a different evolving woman you are now?

First love.

Do you have one in your memory? The person that made you realize you can be the most powerful and yet vulnerable human being by feeling so enamored by their existence. Most would call it infatuation and attraction. I call it the first taste of love’s promises both the bitter and the sweet. For those lucky enough to end up with their first love, you have the right to gloat and it is an open option if you still want to read the rest of this.

Hottie.

Oh yes, the one person that made your hormones rage like no other. I think it is safe to say it is a biological thing - like you found your DNA chromosome X-Y puzzle fit and your make-out sessions are hotter than any kinky novel ever written. You got the physical aspect nailed down, but outside the bed, things became less interesting then you find everything is about Hottie less engaging. And along the way, the fire died down and only ashes are left. For those who manage to have the embers remain and night steamy with the everyday life, congratulations! Your love life is a proof that physical can turn into magical but hard-earned commitment. And you now know, to keep the fire roaring you have to make your relationship work no matter what happens in and outside the bedroom.

The One That Got Away.

You clicked in your witty banter the first time you met each other. It was like you found another self of yours who you can hang out with and do most stuffs in your life with the lesser restraint of being always the perfect you. They might be the person who at one point made you thought of settling down and biting the bullet. Alas, by a cruel twist of unintended life changes, you fell apart and you never got to say how they meant to you. And so this person still cause you to sometimes wonder of the what if’s and could have been’s. If you manage to get hold of the one who got away, good for you! If there is one thing this person taught you well, is that you have to make reason for someone to be in your life - every day of your life. And please, that means no taking for granted just because they are always there or trusting fate can keep you together. The One That Got Away went away because you let them go. Enough said.

So there you are the most common romance comedy plots for all chick flicks out there. Seriously, at least one of those samples struck a string in your looking back review of what has come as your current attitude towards love. This only appeals to those who have definitely been around the block a few times and is ready for love to come into their lives.

If the past does not feel like it has passed, hand the world a favor and heal yourself first before venturing in the love department. Because if you look closely, the dissected frog right from the beginning is actually you - and how you have learned from the labels of love you found yourself all those years ago. You need another round in the laboratory? Take your time because you now know that a woman can indeed write her own love story when she clearly knows what she wants and go for it. Something in your thirties make a woman not only older but wiser nonetheless.

Chiaroscuro

An ode to the Hades and Persephone myth.

Photo credit - Link

Snow flakes fall

Grey begins to dawn

With chills around

I hear your arrival

I am in a dream

Deep and fascinated

Knowing a shadow 

Shall appear.

I beside you

Light and dark

Warmth and cold

Claim this time

Our memories

For winter has spoken 

And you found me

Not to be apart

Differences still be

I shall listen

To the drumbeat of your heart. 

“I Am In Love and I am Terrified” Syndrome Cure – Be Still! (A Message to My Scho’99 sisters)

Photo credit - Link

"Flight mode..."
The trouble with love when it comes to intellectuals (like most of us, do not deny it duh!) is that it needs reason or logic to become real. In our lives, things were often achieved and successful using the mind, almost disregarding intuition or the whispers of the heart. It leads us all into thinking that love is a mental thing and can be handled with aplomb amidst the raging emotions in us. What we fail to remember is that love in itself is a force to be reckon with. No matter how we can say why we love a person – we will never break the mystery of this force.

Life is on a routine for most of us today but then, suddenly kaboom! Out of the blue, we encounter such irrational intangible thing called love. The person we never noticed suddenly becomes the recipient of all the odd stirrings in us (cri cri cri). We, of course, as rational individuals try to deny the fact that a sudden realization took place. In no frontiers, reason, or name we felt it – love. Most of us are romantics, no matter how try we approach love in a scientific manner.

Books and more books have tried to explain the many plateaus and philosophies of love. They do echo plausible and rational whys and hows, even the whos. Others try to explain love as genetically based and some make it more appealing by having faculties of the mind being used to influence if not manipulate love and all its cousins of desire, passion, and commitment.

Its a never ending battle between mind and heart when it comes to caring about someone. We should not give up on love as being a free radical – it moves the most impossible to possible. If people can just let it be and making it something needlessly rationalized, maybe the world can be a better place. Miracles are built on love. It is the one thing that manifests our souls in this material world. So be still, think of all the little things in your life that makes you fee l love. Trust me, the list you conjured in your mind will never fail to make you feel better. Love is just love. No rules, no walls, no bridges. Let it allow to transform and challenge who you are. You always come out better or changed, that is well-assured.

So be it, romantic or not, be grateful it always find a place in your life. It could be how your Mom tell you to always carry an umbrella even if it does not seem to rain. How your pet puppy licks up your face when you get home. Maybe the way your siblings cheerfully pester you once in a while. Or maybe the sound of the laugh of old friends when you are having the same conversations for the nth time in the coffee shop. Or simply, the way you set time aside for yourself to enjoy your own simple little pleasures in your life. That is love.

We always would want to strive to have that talent of “prismic perception” – the ability to make colors in your point of view. We must think this ability comes hand in hand in the cure of running away from love (oh yes, we do that and a lot!). So ease the unwarranted vulnerability and revel in the strength to take up its challenges. Test your mettle and how far you can go.

Love makes us human, after all (even if we are self-proclaimed goddesses haha!). So learn to never fear it. Look it in the eyes and welcome it. So live, laugh, and love MORE!

P.S.
Note to self. Date the next guy who asks you out! Make time for it and throw the I-am-busy lame excuses. Be still and be in love and terrified at the same time!

Boys Do Fall In Love (They Are Better Romantics Than Us Women)

written by BEV 09.11.2010 Photo credit - Jsevilla.tumblr.com

Boys, boys ,boys. They might give you a few words of advice when it comes to love, but they almost always hit the right target and you know what they say to you is no-none sense. When they sniff something wrong with your current beau, they will tell it to your face. To some this might sound territorial but to those who happen to grow up with the boys, you know they only mean you well when they say your boyfriend is a total jerk. And eight out of ten cases, they happen to be right.

Female pals might baby you with the soft words and non-direct approach in doing the right things (exceptions apply of course like my Scho'99 sisters) when it comes to your love life. And we cannot blame women for putting it lightly because they do not want to add to the hurt or doubts you might be having.  To all self-confessed feminists, this might come as a disappointment to your quest for superiority in the emotional issues in life, but let us face it, men and women are equal in the grounds of love.

But what do happen when boys do fall in love? Strange circumstances happen, and they often surprise you with their originality.

Top Four Reasons Why Men Are More Romantic

1. Their imagination knows no borders.
We women, rely too much in movies and multi-media in envisioning our romantic ideals. Guys happen to rely in their imagination (ahem, of course all things considered here) and they can really get creative when they fall in love. Some of the most romantic stories I gathered are from guys maybe because in our society they have all the right to initiate get-the-girl-moves. And with this subconsciously influencing all the creative juices they have, what could possibly equal their originality and the resources they can use to sweep women on their feet? If you think candle lit dinner is romantic just imagine a parachute ride with picnic basket over the weekend could only be orchestrated by a man. 

But to the jerks and playboys, they just know how to use this to charm off women's wits - so be wary of these losers. But as mentioned, love is fair game so just be careful you can handle these charmers and play the snake in return. (^_^)

2. They equate love to longing to the point of slavery...
Have you seen this love bug causing havoc to men? Its like they caught something viral in the Amazon jungle and is now helplessly addicted to the thoughts of one woman - wanting to be her slave in so many ways. Studies nor research has quite figure out the hormones that cause this blind devotion of men to their current piece of work so I pity them at this stage. Really, bitches do best at this stage knowing how to manipulate these poor males into submission. But remember ladies, what comes around goes around. So, yes they can become mindless zombies to your bidding, but remain true and kind to these pitiful species, will you? But it does not mean you do not have to enjoy all the attention - go ahead bathe in it - but make sure you know what you are leading the both of you into. Be honest, be frank, and cut him loose if you see no future with the guy. But for pete's sake, go out and have a date, enjoy his company and decide from there.

3. Men act more than say much.
Maybe its how the genetic make up of the X and Y chromosomes were structured to have left 2,000 said words for the male in a day while giving the females about 6,000 spoken words in twelve hours. Could you just imagine the lapse there? 

So men find it more hard to express their feelings, that is a given. Women tend to connect things easily because they do not have the compartmentalizing ability of men and it is easy getting emotional because of that. On the other hand, men categorize things accordingly - work, family, friends, private time, women - separately - and so they have a harder time to cope with surging feelings. They might just wake up one day feeling enamored just by how much you can rouse a certain emotion in them even without trying anything. This comes to them as very overwhelming and so they tend to shut up about it because they do not know what or how to say it. 

And so looking at number three, they tend to show it in actions not in words. But there are just some guys who can really be d*ckheads and confuse women with their uncertainty too. Stay clear of these confused souls and you'll do just fine. Real men who truly love does not have a problem in defining with you the gray areas in a relationship. 

As for the smooth talkers, well, they can also use this to lure women but there is much more faith in women picking out the well-versed flirt from the real and spoken real man's words. 

4. They REALLY get inspired enough to change.
There might be a wrong notion about women being more of the open book kind. Women changes moods as often as she changes her clothes and so the disparity of making profound changes varies in the extremes. But for men, they can really be mum about the changes they are having when they fall in love. Boys tend to please their women of interest so much they initiate overnight miracles in themselves. You can notice your boy-friends passing the next shot of beer during a night out just because his current interest said he drinks too much. 
Well, if that is not miracle enough for you, you have so much to learn about the intimate almost unbreakable relationship between a boy and his bottle of beer. 

But hold on to your training manuals, ladies. When you do decide to commit with this guy who is crazy for you, do not be such a mother. Accept his weaknesses but continue believing in his potential to change. Changes in him does not mean entirely because of you, get real. He changed because he needed to and your place belongs to the inspiration only. He did most of the work himself. Keep that in mind when you are going steady because he would probably remain like himself most of the time and his attempts to change might be successful or not. Simply put, inspire the man, do not expect him to change only because of you.

So if you are currently dating a guy who is swooning because of your mere presence, be grateful. Appreciate this person because he appreciates you. Just remember, they are better romantics really, so do not put everything else in a script. Do not expect anything because in a boy's mind and with his feelings for you, things might go beyond, over, below your expectations. Which is actually good, because in the end, boys do fall in love for real. 

Confessions of A Hopeless Romantic - Stupid Cupid

written 2007 for Youngblood but never got published - Photo credit - From the Web

Dear Stupid Cupid,

Foremost, I’d like to appreciate the effort from your part to try and make me fall in love, so many times, with the most colorful characters leaving me with a vibrant love portfolio but ironically single status, still. I want to find my true love and yet I don’t want to be tied to the idea that much at least for the times you have chosen for me to find love.

I’m not that picky, Mr. Cupid. Just way too smart at times, I’d put feelings on the line. Their feelings of pseudo-attraction types– I choose not to handle when in all honesty, I don’t feel the same. You accuse me of warding off unwanted attention from guys getting interested with me. Yes, I do that to cut any senseless chase to its ill-fated end. Their energy is well better used in other rewarding activities and that’s lesser annoyance for me. At times, when you think you have me or so you think until I get cold feet and runaway just before the guy would take me seriously. Each time, I sense you further your efforts to get me head over heels and so you turn to gnaw at my self-doubt.

When I do doubt myself if I am capable of romantic love I indulge myself and occasionally watch sappy romantic movies. Just to remind myself what true love can be and allow myself to get caught up with all the drama, even couple hood pops in my unguarded mind. But at the end of the movie sanity grips me tight. At the end credentials, the free spirit within me rebels outrageously that love becomes a ball chain dragging at my feet. I resolve further to hold out for love. You get annoyed with me at these points and you want to make me a spinster. 

But you never give up do you? A sneaking suspicion hinted that you see me as a challenge that could ruin your credibility and existence if I don’t fall in love. Thus, this has become our never-ending story of my quest for the elusive true love.

I know I would meet my Prince Charming one day. But as I grew older, I knew it was going to be a long journey to find this Prince Charming that is why I hold out for love. Cupid, you are so impatient about me falling in love. 

Once, you tried to make me fall in love with the Emotional Guy. The type who cries at sunset and movies and he was lethally Prince Charming. He showered me with so much attention, that I thought, just maybe his warmth could melt my resolve regarding love. We really started hitting it off in the guise of friendship. I waited on my feelings for him to blossom. I waited, I waited, and I waited. And when he did show demonstrations of taking our relationship a notch higher, I resigned in a state of denial. I took for granted his too friendly innuendos as a safe platonic relationship instead. All the time I hold out for love, it was there just lying around my couch at home having a drink with me while massaging my toes on one-on-one talk until dawn.

Just because everything was too good to be true and the pessimist in me knew one day it could turn ugly. The love thing is out of my control and I am a control freak. And with Emotional Guy, my feeling for him controls me. And if I allowed it further, it demanded the biggest of risks of getting hurt. 
I decided to be with him forever, for a selfish reason. A friend I can keep forever but a boyfriend I could toss any moment during dark episodes. So, I started the cold act towards him. I set him up with one of his ardent admirers. But when they started going out, strange feelings roused in me. I know its irony I first fell in love when it was way too late. When I mustered enough strength to tell him how he really means to me, he gave up on me. I forgave that stupid self I had. I acknowledged the hurting fact that I loved and I lost. My only consolation is that he has remained to be one of my closest friends and I am glad.

And then you thought, maybe I need someone not so emotional- someone that would challenge me to face the facts of starting the attraction sans the friendship guise. I met Uncaring Guy. This time a guy who kept an air of mystery about him and wasn’t showy about his feelings. Denial got me sad, so I thought it was time to take matters to my own hands.

Things got stranger, later. I was trying so hard to be in love that I ended up falling in love with the idea. Worst, Uncaring Guy clammed up just when he almost believed I really wanted to be in a relationship. Through my persistence of where do I stand with him, I pushed him away from me. He got scared of the responsibility of love shoved up to his chest and left me alone broken. I have compromised too much of myself and got lost in the end.

After that, I decided to really put hold on the love area then, at least for now. I want to make sure what do I really think of love. But one thing’s for sure. Yes, love. I fear it. I am a girl given promises of love, and yet constantly pulled back by her forces of fear. I am the girl who constantly evades love for fear of getting hurt. I abhor the sacrifices and compromises that wonderful feeling will demand from me. Any decent guy I meet ends up a victim to my runaway girl tendencies. 

Cupid, what’s the point? Well, I’m tired of playing games- doing things your way or mine, I’m tired of actually venturing and having myself get through unnecessary pains. Your intention is good ---but it made me went through a lot. I don’t mean to call you stupid, but I will if you still insist on sending unwanted guys my way. And I haven’t come across a guy who could make me understand these fears and strong enough to help me overcome them by and by. 

For now, I’d like to be alone. So I can conquer my fears gradually and eventually find the road to love alone. I’m neither an arrogant fool nor your little project, I am finding out the truth I learned on time- dealing with my fears will make love work in my life. Relish my concept of being beautiful alone, which means allowing me a year of singleton status. It wouldn’t hurt if I occasionally date, wouldn’t it? Until I’ll learn the greatest lesson of your crusade: Love is the absence of fear, and fear is without love. So, be content Cupid to be on the sidelines and one day I’ll welcome your arrow to hit my heart when I have found the right guy. I think he does deserve a fearless me, anyways. Just learn to be patient with me this time, as I have learned to be patient with myself. Point your arrows elsewhere for the meantime, deal?

Signed,
Hopeless Questor

P.S.
Dating around is alright. And I want to take things slow. So do not ruin my dates, please!

A Man Good Enough For Me (and My Boyz)

written 05.26.2010, discussed 07.20.2010 - Photo credit - From the Web

Growing up with a lot of boys can be quite an experience. You tend to see the horrors and the humanity of the male society. But of course, you tend to get jaded about the sane population of the opposite sex, but somehow a faith in you grows that men are not that heartless as most women would say.

I am grateful having a bunch of guys who has been a part of my life since college years. I was in an all-girls high school so their friendship made up the balancing male force in my thinking. I admit I was a self-confessed feminist, but spending good and bad times with the guys I realized friendship does not even draw lines between the sexes. Oh yes, I do like to overpower men once in a while, but not to prove I belong to the better sex but because of my competitive nature. I learned to balance the female and male characteristics I have had. I became a better person in all. Somehow, being friends with the guys I learned to become a better friend in itself. 

And now that I am reaching the stage of choosing a life partner, the guys naturally get edgy. I mean, being likened to a little sister to them, they challenge any possible suitor I came across. In college, I always felt being protected by an invisible cocoon by their protective instinct. It felt really safe from the jerks of their kind.

But as I grow older, I know I must leave that cocoon soon. I must find someone to spend the rest of my life with. The one guy that I will devote most of my time to and would most likely meet the bunch of guys I dearly cherish. Whether they approve of him or not, and even if they test him in some way, I know my guys would respect my choice in time.

It will take time, definitely. I mean, they were always the guys on my priority list. But when this special guy will enter the scene, I know they will have to settle for second place. And I know there will be some resentment muttered but they will eventually accept that. Lesser party time, lesser visibility in our beer drinking nights, and definitely no more green jokes (at least not when my guy is around).

Guys are guys anyway and they will see my point when they know I have truly fallen in love. Men are generally accepting by the course of things but almost without any resistance. They will perhaps bully the poor guy to embarrassment and exchange a few punches but I know they will learn to love the guy I love. 

And it would not suprise me that they had always said bad things about the guy I am crushing on. They would never seem to see a man good enough for me. But in fact, they will - someday. Maybe because they see me to be too good to be true to ever find a partner fit enough to handle me. It is hard to understand how I understand men, so it is daunting to think that I do understand men and yet decided to commit to one in the end. 

Maybe one day, I will be wiping my tears from laughing so hard seeing my guy comfortably hanging out with my guy bunch. So its not my fault that I do think I need a guy who can get along with my guys. Someone who could understand that they are a part of my life as he is without any insecurity. 

I know someone good enough will eventually claim me and I know my guys would appreciate letting them know. I will of course, over a bottle of ice cold beer and with an attitude of acceptance. Or we could really get down to a poker game – whoever wins can do anything he wants. Betcha I win this game.

But really, in the end, I know they will understand my choice to stand beside a man for the rest of my life. (Kampai WBZ! Hang-over from last night! hehe)