A Lesson in Our Goodbye

 Watching The Notebook made me look into our goodbye and dealing with it.

     Photo credit - Link

  

    

Not so many years ago, I met you at a party. I never knew then that you were a gift for me that changed my life forever. At that time in my foolish young heart, I wanted love to come in my life. The kind of life I read in my romance novels and movies. I wanted that love so badly, I have become blind to my ideals.

But what you want is not always what you get. Slowly and quite cleverly, you crept into my life. You saw who was the real me and cherished me. All in your charming and selfless ways you made me realize, you are real. That not what I read is what I actually need.

And you have become a need. A need so great, I was not prepared to fight for. You made me think life with you was all I need, and the scary part was, I felt that way too. You knew I was frightened and you knew I should take my time to figure out to myself what we had was real and all we both need. You understood my scars and allowed me to heal them on my own. 

I knew I made you hope for us but never letting myself show how much I wanted us to be together at the end. I knew you were protecting me from heartbreak when even your heart was being torn into pieces. I love the time when we just talked and talked and I felt safe just being with you. You were all I never wanted because you were just so perfectly real, I cannot believe my luck in finding you. 

But I foolishly broke your heart many times over by testing how real it can be. I am truly sorry. I was so unsure of myself whenever I was with you. And I broke you too many times to pick you up and tell you indeed, I love you. 

And now, things are not as simple as before. We both live different lives, trying to accomplish the dreams we talked about years ago. Only difference is, we both changed. 

And now, I think you truly deserve to be happy. So am I. I deserve the kind of love you have shown me that I foolishly wasted. I deserve to become loving and be loved back without any hesitations and emotional baggages. 

The greatest lesson you taught me is to deserve the kind of love you find. To never take for granted what you are having because one day, no matter how real, it can be taken away from you. To never fear out of love, but be brave enough to welcome it in my life. To never let anyone or anything be the reason not to be self forgiving and self loving. To know you deserve what you have, you have to fight for it and always remember the why you are fighting for. To love, you have to love yourself first to see the worth you deserve. And being loved only means allowing yourself to be loving. And most of the time, you are loved just because you are.

So when I think of you now, I do not feel that empty ache you left since our last awkward goodbye. I only feel something to look forward to. I see me getting stronger and becoming more real to deserve the kind of love you always wanted me to have. 

Thank you. I am so sorry. And a part of me would still be loving you, but a bigger part of me will be happy to see you having the love you deserve. Importantly, all of me is now open to be totally loving and accepting what the love I deserve will be bringing into my life.

And we might be seeing each other sometime, but I know it would not be awkward. I know then I can tell you how thankful I am in knowing you in my life. And truly how happy I am for you. We can tell stories of our dreams and be okay about not having to live our dreams together. 

Goodbye. Because I am ready to love better than I ever had before.

What Does Your Tattoo Look Like?

A permanent ink of who you actually are is now exposed for the world to see. What does your digital tattoo look like?
Photo credit - Link

Are you perturbed by this idea that what you do online is actually going to become your own digital tattoo? A tattoo that can tell about yourself with the random information you post anywhere in your social media accounts and topic searches. And this tattoo that you have created can never be erased in digital eons. Never. And you cannot unlike or erase your history searches in reality in the virtual world.

Sounds like a death sentence to your own privacy doesn't it? Like some invisible tallying score board about what your subconscious mind is trying to tell your conscious mind except that - well - these hints from your subconscious are actually being collected, mapped, and (gulp!) creating a virtual you for the world to see in blunt and vulnerable state. Think your secret curiosities and embarrassing photos online.

Paranoia sets in like some crazy maggots out on your summer trash bins. You tend to get rid of them but these darn maggots never run out during summer don't they? Summer time is when the good times and good ideas seem to be very documented in our social media lives. So what if you look damn good in those Victoria Secret bikini but when the employer hunts your digital tattoo - being the Ph.D. candidate do not seem so believable anymore.

And this is truly sad. Behind the paranoia is that fear of being truly known and exposed. The actual simple reason of being known to be yourself. This is quite true - we are afraid of being who we really are. And that is why some people chose not to be so disconnected to this virtual online world that the current generation deem as the new normal to social interaction. What has our society become?

Could you imagine human relationships to be ruled by digital tattoo perception? Would it be more real or surreal? Say, if you declare you like something online, but your actual search history says otherwise, would that make you a liar?

Are we becoming too absorbed in how we are perceived that we forget to become ourselves for the longest time? And does this new era of digital tattoos only speak to our primal need to become true?

Pondering these thoughts is like an endless game of cat and mouse so we leave it to there. In years to come, what would your digital tattoo be like? Hopefully something you can proudly wear for the coming generations to think about who you really really are.

Where Are You Taking Me?

Let the free bird inside you out - curiosity can let you rediscover who you really are.
Photo credit - Link

In the odd days that come by, there are sometimes the gut feeling or the hunches that you just have to take action for. It might be the sudden urge to take a different route in going to work or how you get there. And then you get to work a little bit earlier and find out a hidden patch of scenery on the way.

There are also times when a guess can make you lose a bit or a lot. Like betting on the 6/49 lotto can be a one in a million chance but it can become part of your monthly budget even when you do it once a week. Or you took an uneducated option of investing in stocks that just got a bit ugly just when the value was spiraling up the charts.

Nonetheless, seeking uncertainty can make you realize who you are and who you can be. This is the sense in pushing your own envelope and putting yourself out of your mundane comfort zones. It does not matter how little or how important your uncertain steps are - just do them in a consistent period and you get to find out who you really are in the end.

Something or nothing can come out of your effort to be unsure, but the sense of learning and experiencing the other facets of yourself (some you do not know you have them in you) can be rewards by themselves. You give the universe something to play with when you are uncertain. You are asking the All Powerful to a challenge to surprise you once in a while.

So do not disregard these hunches or urgency to take a vacation from the usual. Go for the ride and refrain yourself from asking where-are-you-taking-me questions. Just learn what they have shown you at the end - a prism of who you really are in the big picture of things.

Or maybe life may just surprise you out of your mediocre routine. Perhaps uncertainty experiences can build your own strength to be, well - you. Never stop learning about yourself. Never give up on knowing your own potential.

The Company You Keep

Photo credit - Link
When you are left with the least company you usually meet, you get to rediscover who you usually forget.

When you grow older, you get to terms that you must be alone once in a while but you still dread becoming lonely. Friends are like your soul sustenance and keep you feel outside of yourself in the great big world. Their value is understated but you know without them, your world is a bit weary to live on. Your dependence on their existence is so familiar your life would feel a lack in that space they have filled individually. 

The people we are fond of usually have similarities in who we are. They can tell you good and bad things about the world - and yes, even about yourself - but they remain beside you at all times. And somehow, they always find a way to make you laugh and cry almost simultaneously the reasons why they are in your life does not find an answer at all. 

But how about the people you randomly meet? How about the strangers on the bus looking at you without uttering one single word. As human as you are, you know that if you do not give something of a worth, they do not matter at all - at least to you. The perspective you gain from different personalities who you cross paths with can influence you so subtly, you would not notice unless you pay extra attention.

But as the universe has some applicable laws no matter how cosmic, these people who do not matter to you at all has somehow found their way into consciousness. You are connected to them - be it at the same time you see each other on the cafe at lunch breaks or the guy that reads in the newspaper stall before you reach work. You do not know them, but you recognize them and your routine would not be the same without them being a part of it. 

So, do they matter at this point? Even if you haven't shared drinks or exchanged numbers yet or do not even bother to say hello?

You see, they can remind you of that one person you always have by your side but you do not acknowledge - yourself. You have been told to always thinks outside yourself to be able to become humane. But does ignoring your sense of self, makes you more noble?

It is a tricky question to answer. When you say being selfish can be deemed bad, but not knowing yourself is foolish - you are stuck. Your efforts of finding the id and ego work together can be challenging. 

But if you get to spend more time with yourself and feel like you are outside looking in, you can doubt how well you know yourself. They say if you cannot keep your own company bearable, who can you spend your real self time with?

Can you look at your own shadow without wincing at what can stare at you back? Is there something about yourself that you like most or least? Is there something about you that you have not settled with?

Being introspective can help you ground yourself once in a while. You might not like yourself totally, but you can learn to accept what you are and what you are not. 

And by doing that, when you look at people, you can see they are all like you. Just finding out who they are by living the life they know. Getting lost, ignored, bothered by everyday life and neglected philosophies are all but human experience. An attempt to answer the most important question to ask yourself:

"What am I here for?"

Uncertainty

Uncertainty can be your answer to the most of your life turns. There are no assurance no guarantees. Only your inner strength, humor, and faith can truly make your chosen path your very own destiny. Claim it! Life can surprise you once in a while with impossible things called miracles.
Photo credit - Mine

Begin Again and Again

Photo credit - Link
Some things are good to begin with but better never ended at all.

Have you ever started something with such enthusiasm you burn out before you reach completion? Yes? Well, you might be guilty of being a fire starter then. Well not the arson tendency type but more of the procrastination type. 

We have always these ideas circling in our minds that gets you when you are just staring in blank space and in that moment, they seem to be great ideas indeed. And then you realize you try to fit these great things into the mundane real life and somehow along the way, you fail to follow through.

And inevitably, these great ideas go to the back burner and you say your temporary inclinations can be left to do in your next five years. But the next five years never said you will be ready to launch your great ideas. Nothing in your life will ever will. 

If a great ideas has been in your plans, then you owe it a try once in a while. Not in a great while, but in a reachable plan. 

Ideas come to you because they are meant to be lived. Meant to have a chance not only to exist in your mind, but to be tested in the ever changing currents of your life. If this one great idea can work in your life, what can stop it from working in someone else's life too?

The ability to turn an idea to reality is so intrinsic in each one of us -- we can dare say we are all creators by nature. Humans have the facilities to control at least some of their environment partially, it is a sad excuse not to use all these resources to generate what we have in our minds.

Blame it on commercialism or social norms or limited expectations that we tend to put off what we really have been thinking to do for a long time. People tend to build bucket lists, goals, vision boards and many other forms of expressions of their dreams - they can all be haunting fragments of what you can actually be capable of doing.

So do not be afraid to be labeled a fire starter. We all are. Successful people often are fire starters on their own - misunderstood, judged, and underestimated often. But never be afraid to begin again and again. There is bravery involving the art of igniting passion for life, and it can never end. If you let it end, you will loose the spark in your own life. You will succumb to the dreams of others. Why do that when you have fabulous dreams and ideas yourselves?

So start the sparklers! They might ignite the hidden passions and ideas you kept too long let them shine even for just fleeting seconds for the world to see. And if that does not do it, begin again. Never let it end you see. 

Wandering In A Different Wonderland

Photo credits - Link
Today is the first anniversary for my moving abroad! Celebrating it with immortality - by writing! Booyah!

There is always something special connected with firsts. First baby steps. First tooth. First knee bruise. First home. First kiss. First love. First trips. First jobs. First heartbreak. First move. First career. The list goes on. All firsts and usually skips to the lasts. But before we do the bunny hops of lasts, let us look into the firsts. 

For this case, first move abroad. It is like going into the proverbial rabbit hole and becoming Alice in Wonderland personified. Never mind the culture shock or the inevitable realization that heck, you will change. Everything around you is different. 

You will be skinned alive and apart by a new set of judgement and perception. You will be shaken right down to the core of your established persona and end up with a stranger looking back at you in the mirror. You cannot trust yourself at this point of the journey as you are starting to feel you wandered too far off yourself to find you. People you expect to understand you - would really won't and your personal relationships might suffer due to double standards and unmet expectations. This would be one of those ugliest moments when you realize - who you are is being questioned and it would take a lot of faith and effort to remain true to yourself while trying to embrace who you have to become.

You will suffer a great quiet loss of your old life and old ways as you try to adapt to the foreign routines and way of life in your new location. There will come a point in time when you ask yourself if all the changes you must do are all worth the pain and loss of the process. Doubts will grow their sad heads in between who you can be and what you can only do (for now). You will be forced to some things that you never thought you would. These things are not usually criminal, but morally tugging at your heart. You will learn the Big Jungle of Life living abroad. Live and let live. 

You will start to stumble into things you never thought you can see, hear, taste, touch and feel. The movies you have seen will never be as great as the actual scenes you are actively being a part of. Even the books you read would never find the words to encapsulate the things in your mind when you experience something not usual before. You will feel ignorant and silly, but you know it is necessary to be aware of the mundane and acceptable knowledge and behavior around you. You have the lame excuse to be a "newbie" to embarrass yourself in more ways than one.

People will all seem unkind. No one can understand you or actually know how you are feeling adjusting to this new environment. You will have no support group to cry your hearts out when you feel lost, alone, lonely, and just regretful. You begin to be socially withdrawn and unassuming thinking this would make you stronger. But bit by bit, you find yourself being tired of your own drama and decide to tread on different waters. You try to associate with groups that you think can help you enjoy your quiet misery. And with some trial and error, you manage to snag a good friend or two who still cannot understand you but is genuinely concern about you. And that opens the rest of the windows and doors you locked and along the way you meet people who are lesser unkind. Even in one point, you will be able to pay the same understanding to someone who is a new kid in the block too.

You can never be thankful enough for true friends and moral support you managed to keep with the help of technology (thanks Skype, e-mails, Facebook, Twitter, among other Apps!). They will remind you who you really are no matter where you are deep inside. And in the end of this getting lost by wandering off to different shores, you become more better albeit a more stronger you. The you they know is still within you but you know you are becoming a different person too. The proof that these are your truest supporters is how they remain in your life even if you changed - or per se your location just changed. The ones that slipped out of your fast changing life events, either cannot accept the real new you or decided your paths has reached its end together. Never be sorry for finding out who these people are. They are the ones who deserve to be called true and also are to be listed to your private victory parties or success picnics.

You will find a routine far far different from what you have perceived when you decided to go abroad.  Forgive yourself and your naivete. Plans and expectations have their ways of creeping up on you but do not listen to them. Pay more attention to what you can do and be more open to the things that you must do. At this point, never say never at all. The great thing about this new place is that no one knows you and do not care if you make mistakes along the way as long as you find a way of your own. And it is with greatest hopes that when you find your own path in this new world, it is usually something more meaningful and successful in time. 

But ease your heart and fears. What you might go through might be entirely different from what you have been reading. So decide seriously this time if your first move abroad would either make or break you. Either answer can still be productive as long as you are the kind of person who wanders for the experience and not for the end results. Do not be tied with helpless goals like earning more money or being treated any differently when you have been to where you are right now. Make your own first move abroad when you are ready for a constant overhaul of who you are and you do not mind labels. When you learn to be with yourself no matter where you are. And a little curiosity of pushing your mettle never grow old.

So we might reach the topic of lasts at this point, but really, does the journey end? I do not think so. Even if you have changed your demographics, you will feel this won't be the last move you will make in your life. Pun very much intended, thank you!

So go on, Alice. Curiosity got you this far...down the rabbit hole a new world exists. You are the protagonist of this story. Wander about the places you can be and the person you can become!

Learning How to Unlearn and Re-Learn about Your Finances

(Two not-so-broke girls after a 3-day Rich Dad Poor Dad seminar, Disclaimers apply.)

Another path in the future

"A book can never change your life unless you start within."

It was a no-brainer to attend a seminar about financial education and real estate investment (duh!). You had some time off and you got to have a close pal along with you to learn new stuffs. Cool. Doing one (or three days for this case) about money and real estate is not scary enough for 30-somethings with no financial background whatsoever. This is not a form of review and is purely written out of the gratitude we felt in learning about finance management.

So with as much as smart business casual outfit we can put together, we went to brave the 3-day seminar mentored by Mike “Pip” Stehlik who pretty looked like an awesome (but crazy, he told us himself) American about Canadian real estate and a bit of facts about money. Awkward small talks happened between complete strangers and at 9 am all of the lectures, discussions, and sarcastic humor went on. We had a class of about 17-20 people in a big Scotiabank Convention Center function room and it felt close-knitted enough to be able to know most of the class’ names. It was also a good thing that we had to switch sitting arrangements more (terrifying) than it was. Snicker right here. And yes, we did appreciate the (attempts on) stand-up comedy, Pip. Not to mention the Cash Flow game is an awesome tool to learn about good and bad investments.

And besides those points and the obvious repertoire between mentor and each student, we had actually been mind-blown about the “stuffs” we learned. These are only tips of the icebergs ladies and gentlemen but we are hoping it can inspire you to be curious enough to find out more (just like we were) and in a way paying it forward to somebody out there who might need options. 

You have to feel comfortable about being in debt.
We were taught to avoid death like a plague. But being in good debt that earns you positive cash flow can be a good thing. You have to learn to borrow money to invest in real estate, business, or even paper money. If you do not learn creative financing then you have no jumping point in launching you way to financial freedom.

Do not pay off your house mortgages and (sigh) get as many credit cards as you can.
Most financial planners and acquired financial common sense (that I found out are usually in the Industrial Revolution and no longer in the Information Age) would say pay off your house mortgages and do not think about your home equity line credit (HELC). Also, pay off your credit card billing statement and do not attempt to up your credit limit by any chance. Rethink and ponder. If you pay off your mortgages, your house becomes a liability and you cannot take out your HELC to use it to acquire other investment. Same goes with your credit cards too – they are the cheapest form of money you can afford and can use to dabble in say real estate.

 Being rich will cost you – a lot.
If you earn big money, you have to lose some big money and time. And if that is further advanced education on finance management and courses, personally we would not mind (financially, well it is a different stories for now). If you can work with mentors to guide you with your next steps to earn your first significant deals, what is there to fear? And if a mentor, like Pip, would help you in any way he can (he is a great guy) I’d say the price is worth paying for to be around people who can teach you to earn and keep money. And this is no rich quick scheme. The method of actually executing what you learn and building your wealth will take time and effort on your part. Everything is simple but not all of it will be easy.

Real estate is not an alien word to the average Joes and Janes – you can actually be part of it!
We often think of real estate only for people who can in the first place, afford one piece of property in the least. This is a common notion and we were fooled by it before. The five basic necessities to any human being are food, water, oxygen, clothing, and shelter. I repeat shelter. So at the end of the day, we all have someplace to rest and we call it usually a home – and home is real estate whether owned, rented, or leased. So no matter how much or so little you know about real estate – you are already involved as a real estate investor in a way.

But after hearing the possible ways you can creatively finance your way to have leverage in the industry, you can actually do it! And believe it or not, scam or not, you can actually do this by using other people’s money or with no money no credit on the line. Sounds crazy? Well, we were taught by one crazy American but we know some legit stuff now that years in schooling would not – being street smart about having, using, and keeping money.

Find solutions and the money will come.
People who are involved in real estate are judged to be unscrupulous individuals who are out to get money out of other people. But if you work your way in real estate with integrity and all legal means, you can actually help other people in their real estate problems in the long run. You will be the solutions provider and you will creatively find a solution to their real estate dilemmas so you can have a win-win situation for everybody involved. Your actual goal is to make everyone happy in the end. And always ask "how" instead of "I can't" is where it all boils down into.

How the big boys play the money game.
Corporations are there thriving in the finance industry and now we know why. The rich are there because they think differently about how to use money and fair laws in acquiring, managing, operating, and securing their companies. And so, if the rich people can actually thrive using the three-tiers of business, why can’t your future enterprise? Before we did not know how the corporate world functions and why the billionaires we know operate their empires – but with the pointers we were given, we can say we got it big boys and these girls have been given some nice wisdom nuggets.

 Always know your big WHY.

The ‘why’ part of you being financially educated is a big factor in keeping you in the path to your own financial freedom. It is your motivation to push yourself out of your ego and engage in the possibilities of improving your financial life.

Pip said with the contrarian methods that RDPD presents to the world, it can encourage people to discourage you to not try this at all or have cold feet in the commitment to putting this into practice. And sadly, the people that can discourage you are the people who tell you they love and support you. But be reminded that it is in human nature that people who love you can rob you in pursuing your dreams unknowingly because they are afraid of you being better than them and the changes that might happen if you actually not fail. So be ready to have negativity around your efforts. This is the road less traveled and you have to keep your sight on the bigger picture and keep your own positivity even if your cheering squad is not helping at all. 

So yeah, it was 3 days well spent from our part amidst the snow storms and social awkwardness. We have actually inspired ourselves to find a way to put the stuffs we learn here into practice and get the further education in our long term goals. Who knows where we will be sitting next? And before we left, unable to commit to the costly educational program as of now, we left Pip (and great team Tammy & Baz) telling him we will seek him out when we reach the top at the time when we make it BIG!

And yes, we have got a lot of side books from RDPD to read and adapt. It is a gradual unlearning and re-learning but we have to start somewhere. This is going to be a team consistent effort and we are hoping we can make it work in the next couple of years. So booyah for the initial step! Now, where do we put our purple library? (wink)

Of Cross Roads

Photo credit - Web
written 06.06.2012 inspired by the movie "Another Perfect Stranger"

Often the word crossroads mean uncertain times, feeling lost, and having too many options at once. Almost always, cross roads symbolize a very meaningful if not life changing event in our lives. 

We may not know it, but every day we get to see The Cross in our roads. Preachy and quite something quoted from the Bible, but at the end of the day - after the hustle and bustle - you just remember something good even if you have had a bad day. That is the Cross - that is the voice that might sound like our thoughts and decisions but actually, it is the very same voice we fail to listen from God. That is the very same hope that allows you to take another crossroad each day. 

At those times when we feel uncertainty creeping on us, listening becomes easier to do, do you agree? We ask for advises, we consult our shrinks, and we find all possible ways to reassure ourselves 'we are right'. We listen intently in the hope of finding the reassurance we desperately need. But in the middle of it all, we fail to listen to ourselves and we ignore the silent clues sent by Him to lead us in the right path.

This is the part when we get lost. The excruciating point that we lose hope. And at this point, listening to The Voice is nearly next to impossible. We cower in our bad turns and decisions and find it hard to believe that you put yourself in a tight spot. We react differently and take actions variously. Most of us, when decisions take the wrong turn, turn bitter in finding The Cross in the road. Some take the down fall graciously, understanding that sacrifice is crucial to success in their undertakings. But what we fail to understand is that The Cross in our roads gives us the directions if we listen earnestly. That suffering and feeling lost and defeated is not what The Cross would want for us. The process is necessary to teach us to wait. That faithful waiting requires hope. I remember the movie line saying when there is delay in what must be done right, it is only allowed because of His mercy not to leave anyone behind in being right. 

And when we reach the point when we have earned patience in waiting, we find ourselves listening back to The Voice present in each one of us. Then, our hearts and mind slowly open to the possibilities ... and with them comes options that cause confusion. With too many options unlocked, which way does The Cross would want us to go?

There are three steps to remind yourself when you encounter a crossroad. 
Listen.
Wait.
And above all times, always hope. 
The Cross in your road will give you the certainty that you will be found with the right path in time.

Anyone's Guide to Embarrassing Situations or Life's Odd Curveballs

Ever been in one? Of course, you have - silly question.
Photo credit - Link

Come on, who never had the awkward moments in their lives? It can be bumping with an ex who happens to have moved on with a gorgeous beauty by his side while you are wearing your sleepwear in the grocery aisle. Or you happen to bring your friends into a bar that ended up having jukebox band and DOMs loitering about the boisterous and dark place while your eardrums are having tears for the super blasting sound systems. Or simply put, life just caught you with your pants down unaware! Now, boys, don't think this is going to be about the wild nights we all used to have. Wink wink. 

1. Laugh out loud. Who would dare say something ruined your disposition when you seem to laugh so hard you fall off your chair? Unless some people think you are the lunatic in your group, just laugh. Remember, laughing at yourself could only mean you have enough high self esteem to forgive your foolishness or mistakes. If you think the situation is funny, people would make it a small of a deal and laugh with you instead of putting fingers on you. Laughing expels the negativity in you, brightens up the company, and makes any bad situation into comedy. Isn't it a cure all at this point?

2. Find a quick and diplomatic solution. When you are in an awkward situation, of course you cannot stump your foot and throw tantrums like a two year old. Unless you are aged two and below, you as a mature individual can find a solution to the situation that is making you feel uncomfortable. If you meet the ex, then smile sweetly and tell them "Hi" in your pajamas. You know you are not dress like "I-have-moved-on-about-you" so just remain congenial and walk out of the scene with as much grace as you can mutter. Good manners always kills bad reviews, even in relationships. And just think what interesting follow up conversation the ex has to share with his current beau. Classic.

3. Make the best of what you have. Of course, between being trapped in a dreary place and spending time with friends, find a compromise. You can just transfer to the nearest nice place or decide to have fun. Pull out a few of your lame jokes and make fun of yourself, heck, make fun on your friends. This can divert the lingering situation out of everyone's minds.

4. Enjoy the moments. Come on, you really did not think about this idea? Embarrassing situations are far and in between so enjoy them while they last. I think being able to enjoy everything in your life is key not to be embarrassed at all. Moments like those are well worth the story for the grand kids. They might not imagine it, but the way you will tell them can indeed be enought to make them think their grandfolk must have been a funny person to be around.   

You can choose to find humor with yourself or refuse to get over the situation entirely - is all up to you. But as it has proven, a good laugh and a pat on your back are the best way out for the embarrassing situation that you encounter anytime at any place. Laughing is contagious virus but its a good contamination to spread. We need more viruses like that instead. 

Are You a Learner or An Expert?

Photo credit - Link

I came across a radio show that opened up an AHA! moment this afternoon and some Bob Ong quote yesterday and both talked about success and how it makes us forget about learning as its most important by product.

We were programmed to be experts not learners ever since we were kids. We get educated in good schools so that we can be equipped with the proper knowledge and skills to make it out on our own after college. We earn diploma and degree, some even going after PhD's that we think we need to earn the dream job we want or give us higher income. Most of us have a goal in mind and we find out how we achieve that destination. We might fail many times before we get the right formula and smile graciously at the given "Congratulations" to us when we get accomplished on something. Once we reach that end results, we strive to improve yet again or decide to be better in other areas of our lives. That same thirst is what propels us to always find something to learn irregardless of what we are doing with our lives.

Can you see the pattern here? Learning is really part of being a success be it in relationships, hobbies, or career. As human beings, we are always learning every day even if we get out of the traditional classroom teaching. What we learn might not be related in the goal we have in mind but we come across them anyway. 

We are simultaneous beings in that we can accommodate different real modules at a time even if we feel overwhelmed. You might be gaining notoriety in your work but you find out about having better communication skills with your family all at the same day. You always learn something even without trying because that is how we were built for. As we claim to be higher intellectual creatures of Earth, we should never stop learning just because we got comfortable in our expert chair.

Mistakes are part of learning. Making mistakes has no short cut or other equal substitute. We all have different experiences because we have to make our own mistakes. This levels the field and help us learn from each other no matter the background. If we pause a few seconds in our busy life, no matter how different we are we always find commonality in our mistakes. Funny, huh? That is because we are human beings and having human natures - we fall into similar pits. But our learning abilities differ and we must be thankful because it means we can share more ideas and methods about life.

So do not believe that life can give you the expert badge for a long time. Almost always, life can really knock you off your high horse and reminds you to resume your duty as the student of life. Always choose to be a learner because that is something that cannot be taken away from you. It makes you an adventurer in life - keeps the boredom away and hey, keeps you interesting because you are always interested with something. We only use 20% of our brains in our lifetime and we could improve the odds by setting our minds in using the rest of the 80% in learning. 

We are learners and success should only be its by product as contrast to the first sentence in this write up. Success can make you happy but often only temporarily - and emptiness would always find its way back at you. Learning on the other hand, can be more fulfilling and makes you more contented with what you have and prompts you into sharing it with others.

That is why people who dwell in the process and not the end results always lead more meaningful lives. They are the ones who make unforgettable contributions to the society. And surprisingly, we are part of those who admire them because their effort in learning has surpassed beyond normal human powers. 

But we are capable of doing greater things if we just set our mind to learn. Think about it - and learn!

And this reminds me of the usual kudos of the groups:

For Scho: "Destined to do greater things!"

For Wbz: "I don't need luck, I'm good!"

I Am Here ...Now What Do I Do?

Photo credit - Link

Never forget your curiosity to try something new.

It was a dream you wanted to come true or maybe a goal you wanted to accomplished. And now, the dream has become your reality and the goal has been achieved - now what do you do?

Ever wondered what most protagonist do after their happily ever afters and winners have won their trophies? Well, for the record, aside from those book twos or trilogy movies - most of the happy endings do not really state what you do with the happy. 

So what do people who are already winners do? They strive to dream bigger and be happier. It is not instiable ambition to get ahead of what you have already succeeded in doing. Look at athletes who become champions in their sports each year - they only compete with themselves in the end having no one else to beat or displace.

Well, it is like that in life apparently. You can never say, I have done this and that now I must stop. Even at the threshold of your success or failure, you can never stop struggling in beating yourself. You cannot be too hard on yourself either. The essential yin-yang is to be observed to remain sane and non self-critical. 

You will not remain the same - that can be assured as you reach different levels of experience in what you decide to do. Dare to say, you can never limit yourself in what you can possibly do, have or become. Life throws a curveball most of the time and choices define who you can be. It was never a question of antagonists but a question on whether you are willing to put yourself out there. Meaning, to be strong enough to be your own potential no matter where life takes you. 

People fear both sides of the coin flip - failure and success - because both outcomes mean changes. And changes, being creatures of habit - is not a favorite term of human beings who thrive on security and constancy. But believe that was meant for you will always be for you and what is not will not be given to you no matter the circumstance. If you are a believer in making your own destiny then you cannot deny fate as well. You run your life, you run your show, but it does not discredit life to run you.

So when you get there - no matter where your life path takes you, remember the milestones in your life. Think how far you have come this far and never regret what you did or did not do. Leave your baggage as you trudge along your road. Imminent failure or success will still chase you anyway regardless if you choose or not. Be nice. Be happy. Be positive and chances are, you will never run out of something to do. You may be in some jump off point in your life right now, but remember that you have led yourself at that spot and you only need to plunge and believe what you have is enough for the path you intend to take. 

And when you do doubt yourself, remember that your life is not defined by a single moment or chance. Your life will be defined how far you have failed or succeeded in what you were destined to do. And no one can make a mistake of knowing what is it you are supposed to do - but yourself. So as always said, stay true to yourself and success or failure will not faze you. 

Choosing Happiness

Photo credit - Link

I choose happiness no matter which side I am in.

Have you ever wondered what lies behind the reflection you have the mirror. Do you look at it so closely, you loose sight of the imperfections that dwells in your eyes?

Yes, the eyes. You can see the soul inside the eyes, they say. Eyes can give you away, and eyes can hide something to tell about. But the same eyes can expose you to the truth at hand. Perhaps that is why the mirror and both its sides can hardly look at each other hard. They never meet eyes. This is how most psychologists would describe the image of the id and the ego. Self-perception is not an easy subject to tackle. 

That is because both sides of the mirror are usually at odds with each other, the other side reflects while the other side is shunned in the dark. But remember, it depends on which side of the mirror you prefer and what your eyes would like to see. Most wise men have reached a level of marriage between these two sides, the side you think you are and the side that you actually are. Maybe that is why they ooze with such profoundness - all sides agree on something at one point.

If you ever tagged yourself as neutral or trying to balance objectivity and subjectivity, at some point in your life, you get to a certain dilemma where something bad can give something good and something good can only make matter worse. You harbor the Pollyana personality that everyone that is a bit jaded or cycnical can only make it out as being a fake. But deep inside, you know you are not. You know it is the only choice to be happy of being who you are - choosing to be happy with what you are. 

Rules of engagement defines how to achieve the balance of being the surface between two sides. But you become stoic, sometimes even toxic dwelling on the middle. You tend to be on halt, be indecisive, and in the end get lost. Life is never black or white but dwelling on the gray also does not define who you can become. 

Maybe it is the universal law that says you got to choose as you are the master of your ship and no one else can make the decisions in your life but you. So choose to be happy. Why choose gray, black, white? There is always the rainbow. 

You Got to Get Ruined

Photo credit -  Link
A jump might ruin your balance but it sure makes you alive! (A note to self)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

6 am and the workaholic got up to face a brand new day. Stressful mornings and Mondays are not ideal for embracing the start of the week, but heck, got to do the motions to earn the daily wage. Got into work a bit late, tired, spent, and wishing its already weekend. 

Familiar? Yes, this is the usual day for a yuppie. A tired yuppie. Does not matter how much pay you take home, but looking at these people make you go want to ask them, "So where is the rest of your life?"

Answers can range from: None. Nada. Not happening. Not until that filed leave. Still got work to finish...work has literally became the excuse not to live life! Better take a look in the mirror and someone older might look back at you!

So before you hit the panic button, knowing this might be you, hold on a sec. Assess yourself, are you falling into the drudgery of your own life? Has your routine have you wishing it was all weekend on weekdays? Then wake up and smell the coffee ~ all yuppies tend to do that. Not because they have to - just because they have not yet figured out what makes them complete and utterly contented. If you find yourself in this kind of rat race, then step back. Do you really want to work like this and miss the rest of your life?

Ideal as it may sound, you got to get your life back. You got to get ruined. You got to hit the rock bottom so you can hit your noggin into something solid to shake you back into real life. Repeat that, real life! Haven't you notice you become philosophical whenever you face failure? Aside from justification purposes, really, you get a lesson or two. All up to you if you manage to learn from them of course. 

Being vulnerable teaches you to be humble. It teaches you to draw your strength not from what you have accomplished or have but rather on the person that you have become. Accepting failure takes a lot more courage than gaining over the adversity you might be facing. Getting ruined means giving yourself a chance to piece yourself together again. 

So if you are hitting a rough patch, breaking up, lost your wallet, or really just being ruined, accept it. Just think of the ancient ruins in Greece - they are there to remind us how a great civilization can crumble without reprieve. Life is a bitch, I heard someone shout out today, but you can bitch back too no matter how ruined you feel. 

Life do not allow you to just do the motions to be alive. Life is uncertain to keep you guessing what happens next in your real life. No matter how much you hide yourself in work loads or some excuses, life will still bitch at you. He is like that prefect that keeps a constant eye on you when you become too routinary. 

So when you are at your ruins, keep that head up. Still search for the everyday magic that drudgery can take away in your daily life. Keep looking for the magic instead of the obstacles before you. If you cannot find luck, then create your own opportunity. Do not just cringe (well, at the start its a natural reaction) when life gets you. Life fetches you every now and then to keep you grounded. Just to keep you real. 

She Should Have Been Named Lilith

Photo credit - Link (Web)
Lilith - The Forgotten First Wife of Adam
written by BEV on 09.28.2010

She always was a curious cat. She flipped comics even before she can read. She snatched books older than she was. She had a thirst for knowledge even for a little bits and pieces. She was the annoying kid from class who challenged her teacher just because their text book said something opposite to what their mentor was saying. 

It was no surprise she grew up always questioning things. It did not mean though that she was smarter than anyone else or that she is better than everyone. She just wanted to understand what most people find boring or irrelevant. There came a point even when her family did not understand what she is. And for a while, she lost herself knowing she disappoints her loved ones because she did not behave like she was told to. It was too sad a part of her is not accepted by people she expected that could. But she answered her own question one day and refused to doubt herself ever again.

Everyone else around her dubbed her unreasonable when she just wanted answers. She was called spiteful when she just wanted things discussed. She was a frank and outspoken girl who never stops with the reason just because. Not a rebel, but a wondering soul she is and a free spirit at that. Relief came from people who think like she is and not judge her for not being the emotional woman that most people assume any woman would be. Rationality is always her tool for figuring things out. This blocks her ability to feel emotions at their full blossom but it does not stop her from being kind or even being hurt.

She wanted things explained but respects mystery and uncertainty. Some find this hard, but to her she knows balance is the only way to go even with her thinking. She does not aim to always be on top of any game or win the prize, she just want to take a meaningful part in something. When she commits a mistake, she does not have second thoughts in saying "I was wrong" or "I am sorry" or even "It's my fault." For her, she was ordinary enough to be human and admit to be wrong or weak. But what sets her apart from most people is her refusal to make her humanity an excuse in committing mistakes. She believes she can learn always from everything she goes through in her life, no exceptions. 

But strange reactions is always prompted by people who do not understand her. Envy, jealousy, resentment, and even hatred. She does not understand that people can be so irrelevant sometimes to what she is just trying to do. This does not really help her in just being herself.

All she wants is to be herself. And to all the women trail blazing the paths less taken and finding ways to enjoy their own lives, KUDOS to you! Like the unpopular first wife of Adam, we are the epitome of independent thinking and still being loved anyhow. 

We are all, indeed, could have been from the woman named Lilith who took a chance to defy what is accepted to find her own joy and discover who she really was. So embrace yourself and never shy away from unconventionality. 

The Bell Tolls

written by BEV. 4.10.2010
Photo credit - Link

It is sad to know that someone has passed away. As living beings, we all know that death is something permanent. What we know of someone has already ended and even strangers can feel the loss.

We are naturally in grief. Every ending of a life gathers people together as much as a new birth of life. In such occasions, it makes one appreciate the company we have when we are in milestones in our lives. Death is only the beginning- cliché but it holds true for a new leaf after someone’s death.

It is of the death of a loved one we come to realize the value of a person’s sympathy and moral support. Many friends, people you haven’t seen in years come together in hoping to become a haven of comfort to you and your family.
In our busy lives, we often forget the nicety of showing these support network the appreciation we have for their presence in our lives. Life is short and during times of death, we come to think the significance we have imprinted in someone else’s life. We are social creatures and it is important to be aware of our time out together with people we cherish.

We do not want to wake up one day and find out death has taken someone dear to us. Death is a natural impending force and no one can
escape it. So we must be thankful of the blessings of people that surround us during our grief and after wards.
We must never forget that we are still all fragile and a soothing company could do miracles in our tired spirit to move on and continue the struggle to a meaningful life. And for the dead who we do not know might be looking upon us, would find out more about his influence in these people who are there to mourn his loss.

When confronted with death, people are unaware of the power it gives to the ones the dead leave behind. It means they are encouraged to make their lives even more meaningful than what they have now.  Dying is more like sacrificing the meaning of your life so someone who knows you can be catapulted in to the realization that changes can still come in their lives – no matter how good or bad of a state their lives might be in.

Death is not the end, it is only a harbinger that there is more out there to feel, to change, to know, and ultimately to accept. Death is one of the remarkable truths that almost equals time in its consistency in human lives. Learning to hear the bell toll might be hurtful because it is usually sudden and unwanted – but when it comes calling to you, do not be afraid.

Take death’s hand and smile at the life you made. At that point, you can feel all your life having meaning at the look of your mourner’s faces. Then you will find joy and then later on relief that you did your best to make something out of yourself in someone else’s life.

If Someone Stole Your Daddy's Hugs Never Let It Hold You Back

Another woman has stolen my daddy's hugs. 
Photo credit - Link

I was always daddy's girl. No other man was better than my dear dad. He was my tutor, my fan, my hero, the person I would want to hug every time he comes back home. I always thought I could have endless supply of daddy's hugging me back but life took us both in for a surprise. 

Until one night I found out the truth without even hearing them in words. My daddy's tears on my shoulders were more than enough evidence of the silent confession that I knew has become a harsher truth. I knew from that night on, something in me has died and a wound would scar me for life. 

At first, I would not believe it. I refuse to hear the rumors that had me having goosebumps. But as someone who knows my father well, I chose to ignore the signs. I chose to listen to the awkwardness that crept slowly then painfully in our family. I was in the state of denial - so were my parents - refusing to believe that we cannot work things out. 

My parents had their own reasons why they decided to separate in the end. I respect their decision. I swallowed the bitterness hard not wanting to reach my heart and pull me down all my life. I fought with everything I got not to become the typical rebellious daughter that can use the broken family excuse to ruin her life. I know I can be better than that. 

If you are in this similar situation, I tell you not to give up on yourself. You do not need to blame anyone for what happened- especially yourself. I am not asking you to become a saint and forgive the other woman - I am asking you to live your life unscathed and hopeful. I ask you not to grow up too fast so you can remember all your happy memories with you dad. I urge you to take a stand and always look forward to better days. I ask you to love yourself more and become stronger to not fear seeing your parents as real persons who have real issues that they just could not work out. 

I chose to let it go. I chose to believe that bad things happening does not license anyone to giving their negativity to the world back. If you ask me, I am a weak person but I pulled through with the help of the right friends and prayers. I am not a religious person, in fact, I am a non-practicing Christian. But I believe in some Higher Power that can lend me enough strength to move on. Life is still beautiful no matter how lacking, ugly, or hurt you might be right now. You cannot understand now, but in time, you will. Remain patient with yourself to reach that level of understanding. 

I did, eventually. It took long years, but I never gave up. I stayed faithful to myself that I can have my own life outside that traumatic experience. Yes, I could catch myself once in a while blaming the situation for something happening in the present but I always kick back and humor myself. I might bear some unfortunate consequences of my daddy leaving our home, but I know he still wants me happy even without him too involved in my life and I intend to heal the scar I have - even without him. 

I can always say daddy is unfair with how things are going right now. I could always cuss at him and assert my rights. But I would not do that. I have outgrown it already. Right now, I just know that I had lost him eleven years ago when he walked out of our door. At that time, I knew he said goodbye not totally, but I knew he left.

I used to hope that he will be back someday but suffered only grave disappointments. This taught me to handle bigger disappointments in my life without blaming it to anything or anyone else. Sh*t just happens and you just have to deal with what you have got with the fervent hope that things will be okay.

I used to think he will leave that other woman, but he stayed with her and had kids. This showed me that life does not always go the way you want it to be and so you do not have to ruin your life for it. Your half siblings did not ask to be born in to the hellish situation so spare them from your unwarranted wrath.

I used to think that  I can forgive and forget easily. It takes super human effort to truly forgive and forget. I guess only saints can be able to do that kind of feat. I can only understand the situation, I confess, but something like that is truly unforgivable and unforgettable. It is a major shift in your life so even time cannot redefine or undone that. But I do not use it not to trust the trustworthy and vie away from the liars and jerks.

So for fathers out there, fatherhood never stops when your obligations has been done. Fatherhood is a lifetime job. So when you do something, decide like it always comes from your family. Pride can ruin your last shot of keeping your family together so do not let it rule you.

To the women who might be engaging in illicit affairs, please stop. No matter how love can make everything you do wrong right, it can never alter the fact that you are becoming the reason of the thousands of broken families out there. No matter how happy you might become, your happiness cost many others' misery. 

If someone stole you daddy's hugs from you, never let it hold you back from living your life. Never make it an excuse to inflict pain in anyway just because you suffered. Prove to yourself that strength comes from knowing your sad history and yet deciding to still enjoy what is left of the rest of your life without having to hurt anyone.

At times, I do miss hugging my dad, but I know, no one is already there to come home and hug me back. I know one day, I will get to hug him again and I still hope in total acceptance and forgiveness. In the end, daddy only made me stronger. 

Lessons in Giving

The joy of giving is in the silent "thank you" we get that is equivalent to saying "life is good". 
(Photo credit - From the Web)

I am what most people call the last species of martyrs in this cynical world. I know, I am not entirely a saint and I have my faults, but when it comes to personal relationships, I am the most giving. I listen, I accompany, I just allow the person to be himself without expecting anything back.

People often say I am careless about giving away myself far too much to people who are probably emotional vampires. You see, its not that I am a magnet for misery but most friends I know run to me when they have troubles on their own. I do not provide the solutions always, I just listen and I don’t know why most of the time, they feel I’ve helped them in a way.

I learned a long time ago that material giving is only but a sandbox on the beach of true giving. Before, I equaled giving with thoughtfulness, but as I was growing up and learning the ropes about more precious things in life like time, sympathy, and concern I basically started turning on these resources when someone needs to feel they are not alone. 

So you cannot really blame me for being a martyr in a sense. People today are so busy with themselves that they fail to remember that giving themselves away makes it more meaningful to be in this life. Giving is not always about deduction of what you have but only sharing what you can provide. We cannot really give something to a person to make them whole or make them feel better. We can only give them the silent support that they find their own strength and truth that they may be failing to see in their current situation. Giving is actually putting faith in a person and accepting him as he is without judgment or prejudice. 

I am just thankful that I came across about this meaning of true giving in this stage of my life. Many find it odd that I concern myself with environmental issues or making someone else’s day a priority in a day. I do not find it weird or a psychological need. It makes me happy to give somehow in my own little way day by day. Giving is trusting that what you have and able to share will never be depleted. Call it Divine Providence or blind faith, but it is in this trusting that we connect with ourselves and others in a meaningful way. 

Some people accuse me of having hidden intentions in giving – sometimes I doubt myself why I was born that way. But I am more secured that my life has its most significant purpose when I tend to think of myself but of others instead. So no matter how people have hurt or ridiculed me, I never lost hope that things will turn out good for everyone. I know in time, people will realize that true giving is actually a good thing not only for others but also for our souls. Nurturing other souls as we can helps us nurture our own in a way. 

When we truly give ourselves to others, we discover how little it takes to create miracles in other people’s lives. To be heroes, we do not need to have special powers or do tremendous feats, all we need is to be still, be giving, be true and we become further better persons than the last time we were. Doing this, we become more aware of the good things in life, we do good, and ultimately we become good.

Untitled Sadness

Photo credit - Link

I feel you fading further away

As your absence gnaws at me

I began to say goodbye

And yet now you tell me to stay

Broken promises

Empty words

Waiting in vain.

A friend or a lover

You dare not tell

Undefined is hurtful

Loosing you is the same.

I wrote your name in the sands

Hoping the ebbing waves take it away.

But the wind whispers your name

And the waves cry out in dismay.

True love,

Where has it gone?

Far away...

Remembered and then forgotten...

Too late

Too soon

Too deep

Too regretful,

So I walked away.