Wandering In A Different Wonderland

Photo credits - Link
Today is the first anniversary for my moving abroad! Celebrating it with immortality - by writing! Booyah!

There is always something special connected with firsts. First baby steps. First tooth. First knee bruise. First home. First kiss. First love. First trips. First jobs. First heartbreak. First move. First career. The list goes on. All firsts and usually skips to the lasts. But before we do the bunny hops of lasts, let us look into the firsts. 

For this case, first move abroad. It is like going into the proverbial rabbit hole and becoming Alice in Wonderland personified. Never mind the culture shock or the inevitable realization that heck, you will change. Everything around you is different. 

You will be skinned alive and apart by a new set of judgement and perception. You will be shaken right down to the core of your established persona and end up with a stranger looking back at you in the mirror. You cannot trust yourself at this point of the journey as you are starting to feel you wandered too far off yourself to find you. People you expect to understand you - would really won't and your personal relationships might suffer due to double standards and unmet expectations. This would be one of those ugliest moments when you realize - who you are is being questioned and it would take a lot of faith and effort to remain true to yourself while trying to embrace who you have to become.

You will suffer a great quiet loss of your old life and old ways as you try to adapt to the foreign routines and way of life in your new location. There will come a point in time when you ask yourself if all the changes you must do are all worth the pain and loss of the process. Doubts will grow their sad heads in between who you can be and what you can only do (for now). You will be forced to some things that you never thought you would. These things are not usually criminal, but morally tugging at your heart. You will learn the Big Jungle of Life living abroad. Live and let live. 

You will start to stumble into things you never thought you can see, hear, taste, touch and feel. The movies you have seen will never be as great as the actual scenes you are actively being a part of. Even the books you read would never find the words to encapsulate the things in your mind when you experience something not usual before. You will feel ignorant and silly, but you know it is necessary to be aware of the mundane and acceptable knowledge and behavior around you. You have the lame excuse to be a "newbie" to embarrass yourself in more ways than one.

People will all seem unkind. No one can understand you or actually know how you are feeling adjusting to this new environment. You will have no support group to cry your hearts out when you feel lost, alone, lonely, and just regretful. You begin to be socially withdrawn and unassuming thinking this would make you stronger. But bit by bit, you find yourself being tired of your own drama and decide to tread on different waters. You try to associate with groups that you think can help you enjoy your quiet misery. And with some trial and error, you manage to snag a good friend or two who still cannot understand you but is genuinely concern about you. And that opens the rest of the windows and doors you locked and along the way you meet people who are lesser unkind. Even in one point, you will be able to pay the same understanding to someone who is a new kid in the block too.

You can never be thankful enough for true friends and moral support you managed to keep with the help of technology (thanks Skype, e-mails, Facebook, Twitter, among other Apps!). They will remind you who you really are no matter where you are deep inside. And in the end of this getting lost by wandering off to different shores, you become more better albeit a more stronger you. The you they know is still within you but you know you are becoming a different person too. The proof that these are your truest supporters is how they remain in your life even if you changed - or per se your location just changed. The ones that slipped out of your fast changing life events, either cannot accept the real new you or decided your paths has reached its end together. Never be sorry for finding out who these people are. They are the ones who deserve to be called true and also are to be listed to your private victory parties or success picnics.

You will find a routine far far different from what you have perceived when you decided to go abroad.  Forgive yourself and your naivete. Plans and expectations have their ways of creeping up on you but do not listen to them. Pay more attention to what you can do and be more open to the things that you must do. At this point, never say never at all. The great thing about this new place is that no one knows you and do not care if you make mistakes along the way as long as you find a way of your own. And it is with greatest hopes that when you find your own path in this new world, it is usually something more meaningful and successful in time. 

But ease your heart and fears. What you might go through might be entirely different from what you have been reading. So decide seriously this time if your first move abroad would either make or break you. Either answer can still be productive as long as you are the kind of person who wanders for the experience and not for the end results. Do not be tied with helpless goals like earning more money or being treated any differently when you have been to where you are right now. Make your own first move abroad when you are ready for a constant overhaul of who you are and you do not mind labels. When you learn to be with yourself no matter where you are. And a little curiosity of pushing your mettle never grow old.

So we might reach the topic of lasts at this point, but really, does the journey end? I do not think so. Even if you have changed your demographics, you will feel this won't be the last move you will make in your life. Pun very much intended, thank you!

So go on, Alice. Curiosity got you this far...down the rabbit hole a new world exists. You are the protagonist of this story. Wander about the places you can be and the person you can become!

Of Cross Roads

Photo credit - Web
written 06.06.2012 inspired by the movie "Another Perfect Stranger"

Often the word crossroads mean uncertain times, feeling lost, and having too many options at once. Almost always, cross roads symbolize a very meaningful if not life changing event in our lives. 

We may not know it, but every day we get to see The Cross in our roads. Preachy and quite something quoted from the Bible, but at the end of the day - after the hustle and bustle - you just remember something good even if you have had a bad day. That is the Cross - that is the voice that might sound like our thoughts and decisions but actually, it is the very same voice we fail to listen from God. That is the very same hope that allows you to take another crossroad each day. 

At those times when we feel uncertainty creeping on us, listening becomes easier to do, do you agree? We ask for advises, we consult our shrinks, and we find all possible ways to reassure ourselves 'we are right'. We listen intently in the hope of finding the reassurance we desperately need. But in the middle of it all, we fail to listen to ourselves and we ignore the silent clues sent by Him to lead us in the right path.

This is the part when we get lost. The excruciating point that we lose hope. And at this point, listening to The Voice is nearly next to impossible. We cower in our bad turns and decisions and find it hard to believe that you put yourself in a tight spot. We react differently and take actions variously. Most of us, when decisions take the wrong turn, turn bitter in finding The Cross in the road. Some take the down fall graciously, understanding that sacrifice is crucial to success in their undertakings. But what we fail to understand is that The Cross in our roads gives us the directions if we listen earnestly. That suffering and feeling lost and defeated is not what The Cross would want for us. The process is necessary to teach us to wait. That faithful waiting requires hope. I remember the movie line saying when there is delay in what must be done right, it is only allowed because of His mercy not to leave anyone behind in being right. 

And when we reach the point when we have earned patience in waiting, we find ourselves listening back to The Voice present in each one of us. Then, our hearts and mind slowly open to the possibilities ... and with them comes options that cause confusion. With too many options unlocked, which way does The Cross would want us to go?

There are three steps to remind yourself when you encounter a crossroad. 
Listen.
Wait.
And above all times, always hope. 
The Cross in your road will give you the certainty that you will be found with the right path in time.

Celebrate Success...Celebrate You!

Photo credit - Link

Success is perceived differently between males and females. When a successful career woman comes to view, most people would wonder what she might be lacking of - and turns her negative points into big deals. They won't be looking at how big her achievement is or won't just go into details about why she became an achiever. Sadly, most people would likely observe her snappy wits coming across as offense or her no-sorry attitude in taking more of her work means she has no social life or refuses to become a domesticated wife. 

Compare this notion of success when a male comes into view. Most people would look at what he has achieved and ignores or instantly forgives his shortcomings. Society excuses males of their erring behavior just because they achieved something. Successful men who cheat on their wives are deemed normal or part of life. Successful men who lack time for their family are forgiven because they carry the burden of being achievers. 

Something is off balance here.  This has been the fault of society's dogma for women to be casted as the nurturers instead of achievers. Nurturers tend to tune out their own worth instead of celebrating their achievements because their go-getter attitude comes in conflict with their caring side. But we have to break away on the whole dogma and we also consider the other side of the line.

Males who tend to be nurturers are deemed failure for being un-achievers. In this changing times, males who tend to stay at home to help out their wives that might probably be working are perceived weak or lack initiative to take on the role of provider. In uncertain economies, role reversals are only expected and should be taken by both genders as a situation both should adapt together.

Maybe if we individuals start to truly acknowledge that sex role reversals are possible in this modern world without the pre-conceived notions of dogma and society - we can make both successes from both species more of a celebration than a condemnation. When we based success as a non-gender situation, then we can truly embrace ourselves as individuals. Measure of success would drastically change - it is not about being a good mother, a good provider - it would become more of your little achievements as you.  

Success is about being and having a well-balanced life. It is about acknowledging your own baby steps in achieving something far more greater than dogma yardsticks - becoming you truer self by engaging into something you truly love doing. People who are both successful and happy  are the people who went ahead and did their own thing.

So maybe starting with that you want to do is the first milestone to your success. You can be inspired by someone else's success but remember you can never own it. We all have our own struggles and thus we are entitled to our own sucess and celebrations.

So don't compare yourself to other people. We are all born unique - and logically speaking - we can only achieve our own success and no one else's standards or dogma can make it of lesser importance or worth. Do not be sorry if you think you have not lived up to anyone's standards - you should be celebrating.

Celebrate success and thereby do not hesitate to celebrate you! 

Anyone's Guide to Embarrassing Situations or Life's Odd Curveballs

Ever been in one? Of course, you have - silly question.
Photo credit - Link

Come on, who never had the awkward moments in their lives? It can be bumping with an ex who happens to have moved on with a gorgeous beauty by his side while you are wearing your sleepwear in the grocery aisle. Or you happen to bring your friends into a bar that ended up having jukebox band and DOMs loitering about the boisterous and dark place while your eardrums are having tears for the super blasting sound systems. Or simply put, life just caught you with your pants down unaware! Now, boys, don't think this is going to be about the wild nights we all used to have. Wink wink. 

1. Laugh out loud. Who would dare say something ruined your disposition when you seem to laugh so hard you fall off your chair? Unless some people think you are the lunatic in your group, just laugh. Remember, laughing at yourself could only mean you have enough high self esteem to forgive your foolishness or mistakes. If you think the situation is funny, people would make it a small of a deal and laugh with you instead of putting fingers on you. Laughing expels the negativity in you, brightens up the company, and makes any bad situation into comedy. Isn't it a cure all at this point?

2. Find a quick and diplomatic solution. When you are in an awkward situation, of course you cannot stump your foot and throw tantrums like a two year old. Unless you are aged two and below, you as a mature individual can find a solution to the situation that is making you feel uncomfortable. If you meet the ex, then smile sweetly and tell them "Hi" in your pajamas. You know you are not dress like "I-have-moved-on-about-you" so just remain congenial and walk out of the scene with as much grace as you can mutter. Good manners always kills bad reviews, even in relationships. And just think what interesting follow up conversation the ex has to share with his current beau. Classic.

3. Make the best of what you have. Of course, between being trapped in a dreary place and spending time with friends, find a compromise. You can just transfer to the nearest nice place or decide to have fun. Pull out a few of your lame jokes and make fun of yourself, heck, make fun on your friends. This can divert the lingering situation out of everyone's minds.

4. Enjoy the moments. Come on, you really did not think about this idea? Embarrassing situations are far and in between so enjoy them while they last. I think being able to enjoy everything in your life is key not to be embarrassed at all. Moments like those are well worth the story for the grand kids. They might not imagine it, but the way you will tell them can indeed be enought to make them think their grandfolk must have been a funny person to be around.   

You can choose to find humor with yourself or refuse to get over the situation entirely - is all up to you. But as it has proven, a good laugh and a pat on your back are the best way out for the embarrassing situation that you encounter anytime at any place. Laughing is contagious virus but its a good contamination to spread. We need more viruses like that instead.