A Lesson in Our Goodbye

 Watching The Notebook made me look into our goodbye and dealing with it.

     Photo credit - Link

  

    

Not so many years ago, I met you at a party. I never knew then that you were a gift for me that changed my life forever. At that time in my foolish young heart, I wanted love to come in my life. The kind of life I read in my romance novels and movies. I wanted that love so badly, I have become blind to my ideals.

But what you want is not always what you get. Slowly and quite cleverly, you crept into my life. You saw who was the real me and cherished me. All in your charming and selfless ways you made me realize, you are real. That not what I read is what I actually need.

And you have become a need. A need so great, I was not prepared to fight for. You made me think life with you was all I need, and the scary part was, I felt that way too. You knew I was frightened and you knew I should take my time to figure out to myself what we had was real and all we both need. You understood my scars and allowed me to heal them on my own. 

I knew I made you hope for us but never letting myself show how much I wanted us to be together at the end. I knew you were protecting me from heartbreak when even your heart was being torn into pieces. I love the time when we just talked and talked and I felt safe just being with you. You were all I never wanted because you were just so perfectly real, I cannot believe my luck in finding you. 

But I foolishly broke your heart many times over by testing how real it can be. I am truly sorry. I was so unsure of myself whenever I was with you. And I broke you too many times to pick you up and tell you indeed, I love you. 

And now, things are not as simple as before. We both live different lives, trying to accomplish the dreams we talked about years ago. Only difference is, we both changed. 

And now, I think you truly deserve to be happy. So am I. I deserve the kind of love you have shown me that I foolishly wasted. I deserve to become loving and be loved back without any hesitations and emotional baggages. 

The greatest lesson you taught me is to deserve the kind of love you find. To never take for granted what you are having because one day, no matter how real, it can be taken away from you. To never fear out of love, but be brave enough to welcome it in my life. To never let anyone or anything be the reason not to be self forgiving and self loving. To know you deserve what you have, you have to fight for it and always remember the why you are fighting for. To love, you have to love yourself first to see the worth you deserve. And being loved only means allowing yourself to be loving. And most of the time, you are loved just because you are.

So when I think of you now, I do not feel that empty ache you left since our last awkward goodbye. I only feel something to look forward to. I see me getting stronger and becoming more real to deserve the kind of love you always wanted me to have. 

Thank you. I am so sorry. And a part of me would still be loving you, but a bigger part of me will be happy to see you having the love you deserve. Importantly, all of me is now open to be totally loving and accepting what the love I deserve will be bringing into my life.

And we might be seeing each other sometime, but I know it would not be awkward. I know then I can tell you how thankful I am in knowing you in my life. And truly how happy I am for you. We can tell stories of our dreams and be okay about not having to live our dreams together. 

Goodbye. Because I am ready to love better than I ever had before.