A List of 31 Quick Ponderings

                                      

 

This is a post for some 31 random thoughts that a year of life can make anyone think about. Quick to the point, blunt, and hopefully relatable to the other 30 something out there.

1. Never plan too much to end up in disappointment.

2. Cry alone for no reason. You need no reason at all to cry at times and be okay with it.

3. Always do good, if possible, better work than you did yesterday.

4. Strive to do something different and interesting at least once a month. 

5. Taking a walk at least every other day can help you think.

6. Keep yourself guessing on what interests you.

7. A routine can help you get through drudgery but never let it stop you for some fun.

8. You get to predict what can people do or say, but the way they think about you is not your damn problem. 

9. Find a pair of good non-judging ears and strive to return the favor each time.

10. Immerse yourself in your local culture. 

11. Do some brain puzzles once in a while.

12. Appreciate the small indulgence you can have.

13. Drink a bottle of beer or a glass of red wine when you have a bad day before going to sleep.

14. Relish being a wallflower at parties. It is so fun to just watch people and surprise them with insights.

15. Watching movies is truly an escape.

16. Do more work, do little gossip, do better than expected. Watch how good you get at what you are doing.

17. Keep adding something in your bucket list. 

18. Create your own self traditions that you keep secret.

19. People can hurt you but seek to find a reason to smile and not be hard on yourself.

20. Your expectations can be attainable as long as you do not listen to naysayers.

21. Travel. Always find time to be in a different place, get lost, and find who you are at the end.

22. It is good to let other people know how you appreciate their help often.

23. Never bite your tongue when someone insults your mom.

24. Let the unexpected unfold and let go of control.

25. Find your own therapy. Be it writing, listening to music, or extreme sports. 

26. Seek to understand the two sides of the coins.

27. Learn that people can be understood by their behavior, less than their intentions or words.

28. Admire someone you want to become one day.

29. Silence with others and yourself is healthy. Shutting your brain can be a release.

30. Trust is essential, especially in yourself.

31. Define your own happiness and purpose in the service of others. Make a difference with your life.

Get Lost to Get Found

Getting lost in yourself is a good thing.
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You do not choose to lose a part of yourself. It can be the tedious drudgery of a life that is not enriching you. It can be the unfulfilled childhood dream that you have had when you were a little kid that never forgives you for getting forgotten. It can be the sense of loss after a broken part of yourself. A broken relationship with a lover, a friend, or a family member that keeps you up at night.

But sometimes, it takes only an acknowledgement that when you feel lost, it is usually because of a broken relationship with your real self. You lose yourself in all the needs to be done instead of what you want to do.

So when these times come to you, it is a good idea to wander about. Literally by going places by yourself or just doing something that you can enjoy on your own. You might be more loving and accepting of yourself when you get into the habit of giving yourself some time.

The one thing about getting lost in yourself is adding more value to your own self worth. Spending time with yourself adds worth in all accounts. Time is a precious commodity you rarely give to yourself because of the rat race you might be in.

So yeah, pack an overnight bag and be someplace you have never been. Learn to be with yourself and enjoying that time on your own. Be selfish because it is not entirely a bad thing to be once in a while if it means not losing yourself to the demands of your life.

As you know, trying to get lost and get you found in the end.

Like A Pound of Stardust

        

                    You are made of a pound of stardust, so in the Universe you should trust.

                                                  Photo credit - http://fav.me/d6r8mv2

Visiting a planetarium is a must do in this life time. The Universe can make you marvel about its chaotic beauty and building mess. And in your life, you only get to see the veil of the bigger show behind the curtain calls.

So when you feel down and basically lost or aimless, remember that you were made to be a part of something bigger you could not picture yet. Let this bigger picture come to you with least resistance because logic can never substitute for true understanding. When you understand what you were meant to be or to do, you do not need to be logical to know you have become or you have done.

You are a speck out of this life force, a true manifestation of millions of accidents that led to a miracle that is uniquely you. So when people pull you down or life is getting darker for your happiness to shine,  be the sun. Be the center of your universe. Focus on you. Learn about yourself and strive to become a better not bitter version. Block out the noise that tends to bring doubts and confusion. Listen to you.

Be not wary of neverending changes and problems. Problems were made to bring something new - changes. Changes create better worlds because the lessons they bring are true and lasting. Make it a habit to push your comfort zone and be silly or foolish. Being foolish means you are just way ahead of finding a solution that only you can know to a problem that nobody noticed yet. Be mad, be passionate, be obssessed, be open and be not afraid to become un-you.

And always remember, you are made of at least a pound of stardust. Let your sparkle shine through at your darkest and rarest moments. Be noble to know that what you can manifest on your own, was never truly yours but a mere component of the great mystery we call, life.

 

What Does Your Tattoo Look Like?

A permanent ink of who you actually are is now exposed for the world to see. What does your digital tattoo look like?
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Are you perturbed by this idea that what you do online is actually going to become your own digital tattoo? A tattoo that can tell about yourself with the random information you post anywhere in your social media accounts and topic searches. And this tattoo that you have created can never be erased in digital eons. Never. And you cannot unlike or erase your history searches in reality in the virtual world.

Sounds like a death sentence to your own privacy doesn't it? Like some invisible tallying score board about what your subconscious mind is trying to tell your conscious mind except that - well - these hints from your subconscious are actually being collected, mapped, and (gulp!) creating a virtual you for the world to see in blunt and vulnerable state. Think your secret curiosities and embarrassing photos online.

Paranoia sets in like some crazy maggots out on your summer trash bins. You tend to get rid of them but these darn maggots never run out during summer don't they? Summer time is when the good times and good ideas seem to be very documented in our social media lives. So what if you look damn good in those Victoria Secret bikini but when the employer hunts your digital tattoo - being the Ph.D. candidate do not seem so believable anymore.

And this is truly sad. Behind the paranoia is that fear of being truly known and exposed. The actual simple reason of being known to be yourself. This is quite true - we are afraid of being who we really are. And that is why some people chose not to be so disconnected to this virtual online world that the current generation deem as the new normal to social interaction. What has our society become?

Could you imagine human relationships to be ruled by digital tattoo perception? Would it be more real or surreal? Say, if you declare you like something online, but your actual search history says otherwise, would that make you a liar?

Are we becoming too absorbed in how we are perceived that we forget to become ourselves for the longest time? And does this new era of digital tattoos only speak to our primal need to become true?

Pondering these thoughts is like an endless game of cat and mouse so we leave it to there. In years to come, what would your digital tattoo be like? Hopefully something you can proudly wear for the coming generations to think about who you really really are.

Thinking Back Home in Google Maps

And when I look into maps, I tend to get homesick. All rights reserved to Google Inc. for all mentions.
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Do not ask me directions. Never. Do not even try. I am bad with maps, GPS, street names and any navigation-related questions. It is not because I am hiding behind the notion that women cannot just read maps - as a matter of fact I can - but seriously, I end up being unsure where to go in the end. Or I tend to have trips with people who I can just tag along with and take me where I need to go (guilty).

But lately with an online research job that I have had, I have been into Google Maps for too long. Too long in fact that I googled my own hometown (Davao City).

And although currently it has not the biggest resolution in Google Earth nor the Streetview capacity, I can still recognize the rooftops and the tall buildings just looking at those satellite stills. 

That is simply because, I know home. I know the nook and cranny of the lee-ways and highways. The shortcuts and the best route of jeepney to take me to a place for just a one ride fare. Or how to hail a taxicab and sticking to the meter charge. Or simple just walk around the metro night going to my guilty pleasure shrine of fries and ice cream - McDonalds in Bajada. 

I miss the hot summer nights when I can just sleep on my underwear and get up in the middle of the night to drink ice water. I would like to check out the Little China Town in Uyanguren for the street food and retail therapy. Hunting knick knacks with my best friend for some wayward art time in malls and art galleries. 

I would sigh looking at the new malls, my literal walking routes for weekday after work fitness regimen. One day, I might mall-rat my way into them so I can get the burned calories I need to have. 

The resto-hopping with my bohemian pal that can happen any time in the week. The bars I drank with my drinking buddies. The movie nights with snark commentaries. The cleanliness of the streets and the friendliness of the sidewalk vendors. 

But most of all, there are the faces I miss so much from home. The company of loved ones and friends who has become the rarest form of therapy when one is in transitioning period to another country. 

I miss just being home. But it does not mean I am missing out. Thanks to Google Maps and other Apps online, I can get creative in touching base with the people and the one place I will always call home.

Where Are You Taking Me?

Let the free bird inside you out - curiosity can let you rediscover who you really are.
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In the odd days that come by, there are sometimes the gut feeling or the hunches that you just have to take action for. It might be the sudden urge to take a different route in going to work or how you get there. And then you get to work a little bit earlier and find out a hidden patch of scenery on the way.

There are also times when a guess can make you lose a bit or a lot. Like betting on the 6/49 lotto can be a one in a million chance but it can become part of your monthly budget even when you do it once a week. Or you took an uneducated option of investing in stocks that just got a bit ugly just when the value was spiraling up the charts.

Nonetheless, seeking uncertainty can make you realize who you are and who you can be. This is the sense in pushing your own envelope and putting yourself out of your mundane comfort zones. It does not matter how little or how important your uncertain steps are - just do them in a consistent period and you get to find out who you really are in the end.

Something or nothing can come out of your effort to be unsure, but the sense of learning and experiencing the other facets of yourself (some you do not know you have them in you) can be rewards by themselves. You give the universe something to play with when you are uncertain. You are asking the All Powerful to a challenge to surprise you once in a while.

So do not disregard these hunches or urgency to take a vacation from the usual. Go for the ride and refrain yourself from asking where-are-you-taking-me questions. Just learn what they have shown you at the end - a prism of who you really are in the big picture of things.

Or maybe life may just surprise you out of your mediocre routine. Perhaps uncertainty experiences can build your own strength to be, well - you. Never stop learning about yourself. Never give up on knowing your own potential.

Immersion

Immerse yourself in your curiosities because they lead you to where your soul is happy.
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Wandering In A Different Wonderland

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Today is the first anniversary for my moving abroad! Celebrating it with immortality - by writing! Booyah!

There is always something special connected with firsts. First baby steps. First tooth. First knee bruise. First home. First kiss. First love. First trips. First jobs. First heartbreak. First move. First career. The list goes on. All firsts and usually skips to the lasts. But before we do the bunny hops of lasts, let us look into the firsts. 

For this case, first move abroad. It is like going into the proverbial rabbit hole and becoming Alice in Wonderland personified. Never mind the culture shock or the inevitable realization that heck, you will change. Everything around you is different. 

You will be skinned alive and apart by a new set of judgement and perception. You will be shaken right down to the core of your established persona and end up with a stranger looking back at you in the mirror. You cannot trust yourself at this point of the journey as you are starting to feel you wandered too far off yourself to find you. People you expect to understand you - would really won't and your personal relationships might suffer due to double standards and unmet expectations. This would be one of those ugliest moments when you realize - who you are is being questioned and it would take a lot of faith and effort to remain true to yourself while trying to embrace who you have to become.

You will suffer a great quiet loss of your old life and old ways as you try to adapt to the foreign routines and way of life in your new location. There will come a point in time when you ask yourself if all the changes you must do are all worth the pain and loss of the process. Doubts will grow their sad heads in between who you can be and what you can only do (for now). You will be forced to some things that you never thought you would. These things are not usually criminal, but morally tugging at your heart. You will learn the Big Jungle of Life living abroad. Live and let live. 

You will start to stumble into things you never thought you can see, hear, taste, touch and feel. The movies you have seen will never be as great as the actual scenes you are actively being a part of. Even the books you read would never find the words to encapsulate the things in your mind when you experience something not usual before. You will feel ignorant and silly, but you know it is necessary to be aware of the mundane and acceptable knowledge and behavior around you. You have the lame excuse to be a "newbie" to embarrass yourself in more ways than one.

People will all seem unkind. No one can understand you or actually know how you are feeling adjusting to this new environment. You will have no support group to cry your hearts out when you feel lost, alone, lonely, and just regretful. You begin to be socially withdrawn and unassuming thinking this would make you stronger. But bit by bit, you find yourself being tired of your own drama and decide to tread on different waters. You try to associate with groups that you think can help you enjoy your quiet misery. And with some trial and error, you manage to snag a good friend or two who still cannot understand you but is genuinely concern about you. And that opens the rest of the windows and doors you locked and along the way you meet people who are lesser unkind. Even in one point, you will be able to pay the same understanding to someone who is a new kid in the block too.

You can never be thankful enough for true friends and moral support you managed to keep with the help of technology (thanks Skype, e-mails, Facebook, Twitter, among other Apps!). They will remind you who you really are no matter where you are deep inside. And in the end of this getting lost by wandering off to different shores, you become more better albeit a more stronger you. The you they know is still within you but you know you are becoming a different person too. The proof that these are your truest supporters is how they remain in your life even if you changed - or per se your location just changed. The ones that slipped out of your fast changing life events, either cannot accept the real new you or decided your paths has reached its end together. Never be sorry for finding out who these people are. They are the ones who deserve to be called true and also are to be listed to your private victory parties or success picnics.

You will find a routine far far different from what you have perceived when you decided to go abroad.  Forgive yourself and your naivete. Plans and expectations have their ways of creeping up on you but do not listen to them. Pay more attention to what you can do and be more open to the things that you must do. At this point, never say never at all. The great thing about this new place is that no one knows you and do not care if you make mistakes along the way as long as you find a way of your own. And it is with greatest hopes that when you find your own path in this new world, it is usually something more meaningful and successful in time. 

But ease your heart and fears. What you might go through might be entirely different from what you have been reading. So decide seriously this time if your first move abroad would either make or break you. Either answer can still be productive as long as you are the kind of person who wanders for the experience and not for the end results. Do not be tied with helpless goals like earning more money or being treated any differently when you have been to where you are right now. Make your own first move abroad when you are ready for a constant overhaul of who you are and you do not mind labels. When you learn to be with yourself no matter where you are. And a little curiosity of pushing your mettle never grow old.

So we might reach the topic of lasts at this point, but really, does the journey end? I do not think so. Even if you have changed your demographics, you will feel this won't be the last move you will make in your life. Pun very much intended, thank you!

So go on, Alice. Curiosity got you this far...down the rabbit hole a new world exists. You are the protagonist of this story. Wander about the places you can be and the person you can become!

A Thirty-Something Woman’s Guide in Love Stories

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Discussing your past history with love can be a lot like dissecting the poor frog in Biology class. It is something disgusting and daunting but at some point you have to do the dissection and label what you need to find in the dead creature. Okay, immaturity aside, you learn from that dead matter called your own love stories and what-not’s and serves it inside a petri dish under the microscope in your 30’s. Now, that puts it in a lot of different perspective.

So how many have you loved, kept, and somehow lost along the way? Ask yourself in front of the mirror and you might surprise yourself. If you are asking me why I wrote this I just have to say, things have changed within and I need to review what I really want out of love after around six years when I wrote the angst Stupid Cupid article. You are now reading what has come of the cheeky writer that asked Cupid for a year of being left alone in finding her true love. And hitting the big 3-0’s is like a monumental step outside my comfort zone and saying okay, let me begin again from what I have learned.

                                

When you reach the new 20’s of your life (I am lingering on the 29th), things in your life - and those that are not yet in your life - revisits you like a haunting echo. I don’t know why most people would be pressured in settling down at this crucial turning point of your life - but constantly hearing related remarks at reunions and parties (and geez, even in mundane conversations, especially with Mum) also want me to wonder about those words like love, marriage, and family. So you have no choice but keep a pensive mood and actually dissect your attitude towards the big thing called love. And so the question remains, how well did you and did you not love in the past years? What are these uncanny types that has introduced you to a different evolving woman you are now?

First love.

Do you have one in your memory? The person that made you realize you can be the most powerful and yet vulnerable human being by feeling so enamored by their existence. Most would call it infatuation and attraction. I call it the first taste of love’s promises both the bitter and the sweet. For those lucky enough to end up with their first love, you have the right to gloat and it is an open option if you still want to read the rest of this.

Hottie.

Oh yes, the one person that made your hormones rage like no other. I think it is safe to say it is a biological thing - like you found your DNA chromosome X-Y puzzle fit and your make-out sessions are hotter than any kinky novel ever written. You got the physical aspect nailed down, but outside the bed, things became less interesting then you find everything is about Hottie less engaging. And along the way, the fire died down and only ashes are left. For those who manage to have the embers remain and night steamy with the everyday life, congratulations! Your love life is a proof that physical can turn into magical but hard-earned commitment. And you now know, to keep the fire roaring you have to make your relationship work no matter what happens in and outside the bedroom.

The One That Got Away.

You clicked in your witty banter the first time you met each other. It was like you found another self of yours who you can hang out with and do most stuffs in your life with the lesser restraint of being always the perfect you. They might be the person who at one point made you thought of settling down and biting the bullet. Alas, by a cruel twist of unintended life changes, you fell apart and you never got to say how they meant to you. And so this person still cause you to sometimes wonder of the what if’s and could have been’s. If you manage to get hold of the one who got away, good for you! If there is one thing this person taught you well, is that you have to make reason for someone to be in your life - every day of your life. And please, that means no taking for granted just because they are always there or trusting fate can keep you together. The One That Got Away went away because you let them go. Enough said.

So there you are the most common romance comedy plots for all chick flicks out there. Seriously, at least one of those samples struck a string in your looking back review of what has come as your current attitude towards love. This only appeals to those who have definitely been around the block a few times and is ready for love to come into their lives.

If the past does not feel like it has passed, hand the world a favor and heal yourself first before venturing in the love department. Because if you look closely, the dissected frog right from the beginning is actually you - and how you have learned from the labels of love you found yourself all those years ago. You need another round in the laboratory? Take your time because you now know that a woman can indeed write her own love story when she clearly knows what she wants and go for it. Something in your thirties make a woman not only older but wiser nonetheless.

Learning How to Unlearn and Re-Learn about Your Finances

(Two not-so-broke girls after a 3-day Rich Dad Poor Dad seminar, Disclaimers apply.)

Another path in the future

"A book can never change your life unless you start within."

It was a no-brainer to attend a seminar about financial education and real estate investment (duh!). You had some time off and you got to have a close pal along with you to learn new stuffs. Cool. Doing one (or three days for this case) about money and real estate is not scary enough for 30-somethings with no financial background whatsoever. This is not a form of review and is purely written out of the gratitude we felt in learning about finance management.

So with as much as smart business casual outfit we can put together, we went to brave the 3-day seminar mentored by Mike “Pip” Stehlik who pretty looked like an awesome (but crazy, he told us himself) American about Canadian real estate and a bit of facts about money. Awkward small talks happened between complete strangers and at 9 am all of the lectures, discussions, and sarcastic humor went on. We had a class of about 17-20 people in a big Scotiabank Convention Center function room and it felt close-knitted enough to be able to know most of the class’ names. It was also a good thing that we had to switch sitting arrangements more (terrifying) than it was. Snicker right here. And yes, we did appreciate the (attempts on) stand-up comedy, Pip. Not to mention the Cash Flow game is an awesome tool to learn about good and bad investments.

And besides those points and the obvious repertoire between mentor and each student, we had actually been mind-blown about the “stuffs” we learned. These are only tips of the icebergs ladies and gentlemen but we are hoping it can inspire you to be curious enough to find out more (just like we were) and in a way paying it forward to somebody out there who might need options. 

You have to feel comfortable about being in debt.
We were taught to avoid death like a plague. But being in good debt that earns you positive cash flow can be a good thing. You have to learn to borrow money to invest in real estate, business, or even paper money. If you do not learn creative financing then you have no jumping point in launching you way to financial freedom.

Do not pay off your house mortgages and (sigh) get as many credit cards as you can.
Most financial planners and acquired financial common sense (that I found out are usually in the Industrial Revolution and no longer in the Information Age) would say pay off your house mortgages and do not think about your home equity line credit (HELC). Also, pay off your credit card billing statement and do not attempt to up your credit limit by any chance. Rethink and ponder. If you pay off your mortgages, your house becomes a liability and you cannot take out your HELC to use it to acquire other investment. Same goes with your credit cards too – they are the cheapest form of money you can afford and can use to dabble in say real estate.

 Being rich will cost you – a lot.
If you earn big money, you have to lose some big money and time. And if that is further advanced education on finance management and courses, personally we would not mind (financially, well it is a different stories for now). If you can work with mentors to guide you with your next steps to earn your first significant deals, what is there to fear? And if a mentor, like Pip, would help you in any way he can (he is a great guy) I’d say the price is worth paying for to be around people who can teach you to earn and keep money. And this is no rich quick scheme. The method of actually executing what you learn and building your wealth will take time and effort on your part. Everything is simple but not all of it will be easy.

Real estate is not an alien word to the average Joes and Janes – you can actually be part of it!
We often think of real estate only for people who can in the first place, afford one piece of property in the least. This is a common notion and we were fooled by it before. The five basic necessities to any human being are food, water, oxygen, clothing, and shelter. I repeat shelter. So at the end of the day, we all have someplace to rest and we call it usually a home – and home is real estate whether owned, rented, or leased. So no matter how much or so little you know about real estate – you are already involved as a real estate investor in a way.

But after hearing the possible ways you can creatively finance your way to have leverage in the industry, you can actually do it! And believe it or not, scam or not, you can actually do this by using other people’s money or with no money no credit on the line. Sounds crazy? Well, we were taught by one crazy American but we know some legit stuff now that years in schooling would not – being street smart about having, using, and keeping money.

Find solutions and the money will come.
People who are involved in real estate are judged to be unscrupulous individuals who are out to get money out of other people. But if you work your way in real estate with integrity and all legal means, you can actually help other people in their real estate problems in the long run. You will be the solutions provider and you will creatively find a solution to their real estate dilemmas so you can have a win-win situation for everybody involved. Your actual goal is to make everyone happy in the end. And always ask "how" instead of "I can't" is where it all boils down into.

How the big boys play the money game.
Corporations are there thriving in the finance industry and now we know why. The rich are there because they think differently about how to use money and fair laws in acquiring, managing, operating, and securing their companies. And so, if the rich people can actually thrive using the three-tiers of business, why can’t your future enterprise? Before we did not know how the corporate world functions and why the billionaires we know operate their empires – but with the pointers we were given, we can say we got it big boys and these girls have been given some nice wisdom nuggets.

 Always know your big WHY.

The ‘why’ part of you being financially educated is a big factor in keeping you in the path to your own financial freedom. It is your motivation to push yourself out of your ego and engage in the possibilities of improving your financial life.

Pip said with the contrarian methods that RDPD presents to the world, it can encourage people to discourage you to not try this at all or have cold feet in the commitment to putting this into practice. And sadly, the people that can discourage you are the people who tell you they love and support you. But be reminded that it is in human nature that people who love you can rob you in pursuing your dreams unknowingly because they are afraid of you being better than them and the changes that might happen if you actually not fail. So be ready to have negativity around your efforts. This is the road less traveled and you have to keep your sight on the bigger picture and keep your own positivity even if your cheering squad is not helping at all. 

So yeah, it was 3 days well spent from our part amidst the snow storms and social awkwardness. We have actually inspired ourselves to find a way to put the stuffs we learn here into practice and get the further education in our long term goals. Who knows where we will be sitting next? And before we left, unable to commit to the costly educational program as of now, we left Pip (and great team Tammy & Baz) telling him we will seek him out when we reach the top at the time when we make it BIG!

And yes, we have got a lot of side books from RDPD to read and adapt. It is a gradual unlearning and re-learning but we have to start somewhere. This is going to be a team consistent effort and we are hoping we can make it work in the next couple of years. So booyah for the initial step! Now, where do we put our purple library? (wink)

Celebrate Success...Celebrate You!

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Success is perceived differently between males and females. When a successful career woman comes to view, most people would wonder what she might be lacking of - and turns her negative points into big deals. They won't be looking at how big her achievement is or won't just go into details about why she became an achiever. Sadly, most people would likely observe her snappy wits coming across as offense or her no-sorry attitude in taking more of her work means she has no social life or refuses to become a domesticated wife. 

Compare this notion of success when a male comes into view. Most people would look at what he has achieved and ignores or instantly forgives his shortcomings. Society excuses males of their erring behavior just because they achieved something. Successful men who cheat on their wives are deemed normal or part of life. Successful men who lack time for their family are forgiven because they carry the burden of being achievers. 

Something is off balance here.  This has been the fault of society's dogma for women to be casted as the nurturers instead of achievers. Nurturers tend to tune out their own worth instead of celebrating their achievements because their go-getter attitude comes in conflict with their caring side. But we have to break away on the whole dogma and we also consider the other side of the line.

Males who tend to be nurturers are deemed failure for being un-achievers. In this changing times, males who tend to stay at home to help out their wives that might probably be working are perceived weak or lack initiative to take on the role of provider. In uncertain economies, role reversals are only expected and should be taken by both genders as a situation both should adapt together.

Maybe if we individuals start to truly acknowledge that sex role reversals are possible in this modern world without the pre-conceived notions of dogma and society - we can make both successes from both species more of a celebration than a condemnation. When we based success as a non-gender situation, then we can truly embrace ourselves as individuals. Measure of success would drastically change - it is not about being a good mother, a good provider - it would become more of your little achievements as you.  

Success is about being and having a well-balanced life. It is about acknowledging your own baby steps in achieving something far more greater than dogma yardsticks - becoming you truer self by engaging into something you truly love doing. People who are both successful and happy  are the people who went ahead and did their own thing.

So maybe starting with that you want to do is the first milestone to your success. You can be inspired by someone else's success but remember you can never own it. We all have our own struggles and thus we are entitled to our own sucess and celebrations.

So don't compare yourself to other people. We are all born unique - and logically speaking - we can only achieve our own success and no one else's standards or dogma can make it of lesser importance or worth. Do not be sorry if you think you have not lived up to anyone's standards - you should be celebrating.

Celebrate success and thereby do not hesitate to celebrate you!