A Thirty-Something Woman’s Guide in Love Stories

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Discussing your past history with love can be a lot like dissecting the poor frog in Biology class. It is something disgusting and daunting but at some point you have to do the dissection and label what you need to find in the dead creature. Okay, immaturity aside, you learn from that dead matter called your own love stories and what-not’s and serves it inside a petri dish under the microscope in your 30’s. Now, that puts it in a lot of different perspective.

So how many have you loved, kept, and somehow lost along the way? Ask yourself in front of the mirror and you might surprise yourself. If you are asking me why I wrote this I just have to say, things have changed within and I need to review what I really want out of love after around six years when I wrote the angst Stupid Cupid article. You are now reading what has come of the cheeky writer that asked Cupid for a year of being left alone in finding her true love. And hitting the big 3-0’s is like a monumental step outside my comfort zone and saying okay, let me begin again from what I have learned.

                                

When you reach the new 20’s of your life (I am lingering on the 29th), things in your life - and those that are not yet in your life - revisits you like a haunting echo. I don’t know why most people would be pressured in settling down at this crucial turning point of your life - but constantly hearing related remarks at reunions and parties (and geez, even in mundane conversations, especially with Mum) also want me to wonder about those words like love, marriage, and family. So you have no choice but keep a pensive mood and actually dissect your attitude towards the big thing called love. And so the question remains, how well did you and did you not love in the past years? What are these uncanny types that has introduced you to a different evolving woman you are now?

First love.

Do you have one in your memory? The person that made you realize you can be the most powerful and yet vulnerable human being by feeling so enamored by their existence. Most would call it infatuation and attraction. I call it the first taste of love’s promises both the bitter and the sweet. For those lucky enough to end up with their first love, you have the right to gloat and it is an open option if you still want to read the rest of this.

Hottie.

Oh yes, the one person that made your hormones rage like no other. I think it is safe to say it is a biological thing - like you found your DNA chromosome X-Y puzzle fit and your make-out sessions are hotter than any kinky novel ever written. You got the physical aspect nailed down, but outside the bed, things became less interesting then you find everything is about Hottie less engaging. And along the way, the fire died down and only ashes are left. For those who manage to have the embers remain and night steamy with the everyday life, congratulations! Your love life is a proof that physical can turn into magical but hard-earned commitment. And you now know, to keep the fire roaring you have to make your relationship work no matter what happens in and outside the bedroom.

The One That Got Away.

You clicked in your witty banter the first time you met each other. It was like you found another self of yours who you can hang out with and do most stuffs in your life with the lesser restraint of being always the perfect you. They might be the person who at one point made you thought of settling down and biting the bullet. Alas, by a cruel twist of unintended life changes, you fell apart and you never got to say how they meant to you. And so this person still cause you to sometimes wonder of the what if’s and could have been’s. If you manage to get hold of the one who got away, good for you! If there is one thing this person taught you well, is that you have to make reason for someone to be in your life - every day of your life. And please, that means no taking for granted just because they are always there or trusting fate can keep you together. The One That Got Away went away because you let them go. Enough said.

So there you are the most common romance comedy plots for all chick flicks out there. Seriously, at least one of those samples struck a string in your looking back review of what has come as your current attitude towards love. This only appeals to those who have definitely been around the block a few times and is ready for love to come into their lives.

If the past does not feel like it has passed, hand the world a favor and heal yourself first before venturing in the love department. Because if you look closely, the dissected frog right from the beginning is actually you - and how you have learned from the labels of love you found yourself all those years ago. You need another round in the laboratory? Take your time because you now know that a woman can indeed write her own love story when she clearly knows what she wants and go for it. Something in your thirties make a woman not only older but wiser nonetheless.